


Down and Down I Go, Round and Round I Go

by al_in_my_head



Category: Disenchantment (TV 2018)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, Crime, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Homelessness, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, POV Alternating, Slow Burn, The Flying Scepter (Disenchantment), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, ace-spec Lucy, chosen family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 23,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22448836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/al_in_my_head/pseuds/al_in_my_head
Summary: Elfo has given up on making a life for himself in Elfwood, so he travels to Dreamland in search of an adventure and a soulmate. Lucy is content being a lonely bartender with several substance addictions. When Bean brings them together, they are surprised to learn that they actually get along.“Are we becoming friends?” Elfo asked with a smile and a tone of voice that was in a ridiculous contrast to Lucy’s.“What on earth makes you think that?” Lucy made no attempt to hide the disgust in his voice.“You’re making fun of me,” Elfo said, “Isn’t that what friends do?”“Bean finds an idiot and I have to suffer,” Lucy mumbled under his breath and shrugged. He probably deserved whatever he had coming.
Relationships: Elfo/Luci (Disenchantment), Luci & Elfo (Disenchantment)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 45





	1. Leaving Elfwood (Elfo)

**Author's Note:**

> Title has been changed from "All we never had" because I hated it. And maybe because the current title is a reference I hadn't thought of when I published the first few chapters.

(A quick sketch of how I imagine Elfo and Lucy as humans)

Elfo was standing just outside the town of Elfwood with his dad. He was letting his mind wander, tuning out whatever untrue story Daddy Elfo was telling at the moment. He could not believe he was finally leaving his home town. Not because he liked being here, he had always felt like the odd one out, but it was still his home. Daddy Elfo was right though, if his soulmate hadn’t shown up yet, they couldn’t be found in Elfwood.

Although it was boring, he was going to miss this place. He was going to miss the time he spent dating Kissy, he was going to miss the Elwood music, he was going to miss his house. He was not going to miss the candy factory, where he had worked for the many past years while he was waiting for his soulmate to show up, having all the time in the world, literally, since he wouldn’t age a day past 18 years until he found them. That factory was a shithole and if it exploded right this second, Elfo would be happy to see it all go up in flames. Maybe this was why he never fit in here, because the rest of the people in Elfwood saw the factory as a blessing.

He hugged his dad goodbye and boarded the bus. He spent the ride dreaming of all the amazing adventures he would go on, all the nice people he would meet in the city. Dreamland. He was going to Dreamland, where all of his dreams were sure to come true.

Dreamland was not a big city, but it was one of the biggest in the area, and to Elfo that was plenty. He had never left the little factory town before, and comparatively everything here was huge. There were more people walking the streets, than Elfo had ever seen in one place before. The buildings were huge and there were little shops of all sorts. He couldn’t get enough of just walking around and looking at all the new things.

He smiled and nodded to everyone he walked by. That’s how he used to do in Elfwood, but here, people just ignored each other. He supposed that was only natural with this many people. They did however give him funny looks, which Elfo did not realize was because of how ridiculous he looked with his pointy hat and pointy shoes. Elfwood fashion was very different from Dreamland fashion.

After a while Elfo came across a park, and he figured that would be a fine place to meet new people, and maybe busk for some change for a place to stay. He didn’t know anything about the city, so of course had no idea how bad a plan that was. He had been playing his flute on a bench with his hat in front of him for only a few minutes before a guard came by and kicked him out of there.

Elfo was however patient and an optimist, so he didn’t let that bring him down. He sat down on a step by a locked door down an alley to rest while coming up with a plan B. It was getting dark soon, so he would have to think of something, to avoid sleeping out in the street.

He turned his head when he heard laughter down the alley and saw a group of four young men. They seemed happy, so Elfo decided to try and make some new friends.

“Hi, I’m Elfo,” He said.

“What a dork,” One of them said, as if Elfo wasn’t right there. As annoyed as he was, he let it slide. They seemed drunk, so he figured the guy probably didn’t mean it.

“You a queer or something?” Another one asked Elfo. That was the moment his optimism ran out.

“What?” Elfo squeaked, but didn’t get a chance to say more before the first punch was thrown.

When Elfo woke up, everything hurt. The group of (quite drunk) men had hit and kicked him until he passed out, and then lost interest when he stopped crying. He slowly rolled his head to the side, feeling the cold stone beneath him cool his head. That felt nice.

“Shit,” He heard a voice, “Are you okay? What happened to you?” The woman bending down by his side was slurring her words slightly, but she sounded genuinely worried.

“Hi, I’m Elfo,” Elfo groaned and tried to look up at her. His head hurt too much and his eyes didn’t want to open.

“I’m Bean,” The woman said.

“Hm,” Elfo said and tried once again to look at her. The first thing he saw was messy white hair. She smiled at him when she caught his eyes and he noticed her buck teeth. She was kind of cute.

“Some guys attacked me,” Elfo explained.

“Yeah, this is not the best area,” Bean said, “Do you need help to get home?”

“I don’t have one, just came here from Elfwood,”

“Elfwood?” Bean asked, and Elfo wanted to tell her about his home town, but he was too tired.

“Doesn’t matter, but I don’t have a place to stay yet,” He said.

“Then let’s get you back to my place,” She helped him to his feet and guided him along. He was too beat to even notice where she was taking him.

Getting Elfo in through the window was not easy in his condition, but they managed. And almost without making too much noise. Luckily it was only Bean’s brother who heard, and he went back to sleep without thinking too much about what was going on. Noise from Beans room at this time of night was not an uncommon occurrence.

“My dad can’t know you’re here,” Bean said, “He is… never mind that,”

Elfo was too beat to ask what she meant. He fell asleep on Bean’s couch before he could even make a mental note to ask about it later.


	2. The Devilish Bartender (Lucy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy meets Elfo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The characters glorifies alcoholism - Please don't do this! If you find yourself agreeing with Lucy... you might need help.

Lucy was not worried when Bean didn’t come back to the bar. She could take care of herself better than most of these chumps could. He was however annoyed, because the reason she left was to get him cigarettes, since he couldn’t leave work for another few hours. He could bum a couple from the customers, but that usually made them feel entitled to free drinks, which he really didn’t want to deal with right now, or ever for that matter.

Lucy worked professionally in the business of slowly poisoning people, or what is more commonly known as a bartender at the Flying Scepter. Working was always more fun when Bean was there. Mainly because she was his friend, but also because she always knew how to bring life to a party. She also liked to bring handsome guys home, which he assumed was what had happened this evening. He was all for sleeping around, but when it resulted in him being stood up and out of cigarettes, it was an entirely different story.

Lucy looked around the bar, scanning for the most gullible fool in there. If he couldn’t get drunk with his best friend, he could at least use his semi-sober head to earn some extra cash. All the years he had worked there, his boss never seemed to have a problem with his schemes, as long as he kept it small not to scare away customers. Not a problem. He was good at finding the gullible chumps, preferably assholes, who wouldn’t even know they had been scammed. Why they trusted Lucy, was beyond him. His rough attitude, his pointy teeth and ears all made him look creepy and almost non human, but Bean said he had a comforting voice, whatever that was supposed to mean.

When he went home to his upstairs apartment that night, he had a fair amount of illegally acquired cash to write off as tips and put in his safe, which was already half full.

The next day he didn’t even see Bean. That was odd! It’s not like Bean had other friends or places to go, and she usually didn’t want to spend a second longer than necessary at her dad’s place. She would never just bail on him like that; she had her alcoholism to maintain. Well, he supposed she had alcohol at home, but binge drinking was always better with good friends and some good old peer pressure.

When he still hadn’t heard from her the next day, he decided to text her.

To Bean – [where have u been? booze doesnt drink itself]

To Bean – [and where r my cigarettes???!!!!]

She replied almost immediately

From Bean – [had something to take care of. ill bring them tonight]

Something to take care of… Lucy spent all afternoon wondering what that could be. She never had anything to do, other than drink. No friends, no responsibilities, not even any hobbies. She was a wonderful piece of human garbage, which was why Lucy loved her. Okay, love might be a bit strong a word, but the point still stands.

When Bean stepped through the door that evening, Lucy immediately poured a few shots of whiskey for her. He assumed she would really need it after whatever she had been doing for the past few days. Then he looked up and saw that she was with someone, which caused him to spill whiskey all over the counter.

“Fucking hell!” He mumbled and started cleaning it up as Bean and her companion sat down by the bar.

The guy was an absolute fashion disaster. Lucy had seen quite a few of those over the years, but this was the worst he had ever seen. It was so bad, he didn’t even know how to insult the guy. It would be too obvious to make fun of the purple, pointy hat, but not doing so, would just be ridiculous. The red polo was probably the least disastrous, the bulky shorts were bad, but they did kind of distract from the pointy shoes. And then there was a bruise around one of his eyes the same color as his hat.

“Thank Gods!” Bean moaned and picked up the shots. The guy looked both impressed with and worried about how fast she drank them. Then Lucy noticed that he had stopped cleaning the counter to stare at the new guy and he snapped back.

“What are you having, Elfo,” Bean asked the guy, “I’m paying… with my dad’s money,”

Lucy couldn’t help but chuckle at the ridiculous name. Then he stopped himself. He preferred to judge people on their characters. That was a way more effective target when you wanted to tear someone down and crush their soul along with their will to live.

“Just soda, please,” Elfo said.

“Laaaame,” Lucy sang.

“What if I have a concussion?” Elfo asked. His already shrill voice went up a pitch.

“Welcome to the city, here we drink that shit away,” Lucy said. Who the fuck was this dork Bean had brought into his bar?

“That’s not how concussions work,” Elfo protested, but was ignored.

“Just get him a light beer then,” Bean said, “And two for me, not the light one though,”

“Okay, who the hell is this guy?” Lucy asked as he put the beers down.

“I’m Elfo,” Elfo said.

“Yeah, I got that much,” Lucy sighed.

“He just came here from, what did you say it was again?” Bean asked.

“Elfwood, I came from a village called Elfwood,” Elfo sounded tired, “Shouldn’t be so hard to remember,”

“You know you’re talking to a severe alcoholic, right,” Lucy said.

“Yeah, about that,” Elfo began, “It doesn’t seem healthy,”

“Oh no,” Bean mumbled.

“You’re new and a friend of Bean, so I’ll forgive this one, but that attitude will get you banned from the bar if I hear it again, capish?” Lucy said.

“Your bar?” Elfo asked, either ignoring or not noticing the threat.

“Technically not, but I pull some weight around here. Everybody knows I basically run this place.”

“That’s cool,” Elfo said.

“Hell yeah I am, unlike you,” Lucy snaps back, “So you better listen to me, or you’ll be out of here faster than an ice cube melts in hell,”

“Are we becoming friends?” Elfo asked with a smile and a tone of voice that was in a ridiculous contrast to Lucy’s.

“What on earth makes you think that?” Lucy made no attempt to hide the disgust in his voice.

“You’re making fun of me,” Elfo said, “Isn’t that what friends do?”

“Bean finds an idiot and I have to suffer,” Lucy mumbled under his breath and shrugged. He probably deserved whatever he had coming.

“Okay, I don’t want you to hate me, so I’m gonna ask first okay,” Lucy said to Bean a little later while Elfo was in the bathroom, “But can I pleaaase run a scam on Elfo? He is so perfectly naïve, it will be my greatest work yet,”

“No, dude, what’s wrong with you?” Bean retorted.

“Fiiine, I’ll leave him alone,” he said, “You sure though? Not even a little one? A teeny tiny scam?”

“Fine, a tiny one!” She said, “But nothing more than he can afford to lose,”

“You’re the best, Bean, a true friend,” Lucy smiled, “Just not to Elfo,”

“Shut it,” She said, “Also, I’m too drunk to argue,”

“Great, then hear me out on this,” Lucy began, and spent the next fifteen minutes letting Bean in on a plan he had to steal the identity of some asshole to launder the money he scammed out of gullible chumps. Bean had no protests after Lucy had reassured her that they were all assholes. None of them were as big assholes as Lucy of course, but he didn’t say that out loud. Elfo had rejoined them about halfway through Lucy’s rant and did not understand a word of what he was talking about. He probably would have had some things to say.


	3. Nowhere To Go (Elfo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elfo is back on the street

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zog is an asshole and he doesn’t get a redemption arc. Also I refuse to spell Zog with an ø, because if I did it should be pronounced differently and I’m really fucking annoyed that it’s the canon spelling!

Elfo was never one to party a lot. Not by Dreamland standards anyway. When Bean asked him to come with her to the bar, he didn’t think it would be a big deal. When he met Lucy he was quickly convinced that he should have said no. That guy was a bad influence on everyone around him, and he was also pretty mean. But despite that, Elfo had fun. He always liked meeting new people and he had to admit that the beer was good – and as Lucy promised, it helped him forget about the guys from the other night.

Bean had invited Elfo to crash on her couch for as long as he wanted, but told him that her dad, Zog, would probably kick him out of he found out. That was fine. It just meant they also had sneak out through the window during the day, instead of just as night like Bean usually did. There was a fire escape by the window, so it was not a big deal.

For the following weeks the three of them hung out at the bar every night. Rationally he knew it was an unhealthy and irresponsible use of their time, but he didn’t care. He had fun, and until he found his soulmate, he literally had all the time in the world anyway. Yeah, maybe it would be a good idea to look for a job or an apartment, but for now he had a place to stay and friends to hang out with, and he didn’t want that to end.

Those very same friends did their part to make him forget those worries. Being a small guy it didn’t take more than a few beers before Elfo forgot all about responsibilities and just had fun, and drinking with bean and Lucy, those few beers were gone quickly. At first he had been hesitant about all the drinking, but the blessed influence of peer pressure made him give in. He would never let them know, especially Lucy, but he was grateful that they made the effort to get him to fit in, because he quite liked their little trio.

“It’s drunk and I’m late, we better sneak in quietly,” Bean whispered one morning after they had been at the bar until sun-up. Or at least she tried to whisper, it came out a bit louder than that. Elfo was right behind her. He was less drunk, but also much less practiced in the art of sneaking in through windows while completely wasted, so he was doing about as bad a job at being quiet.

“What is going on in here?” Zog stepped through the door, “What the hell is that thing?” He pointed at Elfo’s head and hat peaking up behind the windowsill. Elfo was just about to run away, hoping it wasn’t too late to pretend he was never there, when Bean started talking.

“Dad, don’t be a dick,” Bean groaned, “This is my friend Elfo,”

Elfo sighed. There went that plan.

“That’s a stupid name, get that weirdo out of here,” Zog said.

“Why do you care?” Bean complained.

“It’s my house, now get him out of here before I turn the both of you into coats,”

Elfo tumbled back down and stayed on the ground underneath the window for a moment taking in what just happened. Then he rolled away, only just avoiding the expensive decorative vase that Zog threw after him. Then he left.

“What are you asking me for?” Lucy asked when Elfo that afternoon shared what happened. Elfo had been walking aimlessly around for most of the day until he fell asleep in the park. He was thrown out of there (again) and then he came to the bar the minute it opened.

“I have nowhere else to go,” Elfo said.

“First of all, we don’t have that kind of relationship,” Lucy began, “Second of all, this is a bar, are you going to buy a drink or not?”

“I don’t have any money,” Elfo whined. He had assumed Lucy despite his attitude was just a little nice deep down and would help Elfo come up with a solution. Even if only an alcoholic one.

“Well I promised Bean not to scam you, so you’re out of excuses to stay,” Lucy said.

“But…” Elfo squeaked, “Where should I go?”

“To hell for all I care,” Lucy stated.

“Oh, thanks a lot, Jerko!” Elfo yelled trying to hide his disappointment.

“You’re welcome, now scram!” Lucy hissed and Elfo ran out of there thinking that his friend had been unreasonably rude. Had he had more sense, he would have doubted if they were actually friends, but Elfo would never think something so rude.

He didn’t know if Bean came to the bar that night. He didn’t know if his two only friends were having a blast without him. He also didn’t dare to go back and find out. Not after his conversation with Lucy. He would solve his own problems while Lucy cooled off, then everything could go back to the way it was.

Elfo walked aimlessly around the streets of Dreamland all night. By now he knew what areas to avoid, but even then, he didn’t dare to stay in one place for long. The memory of the men he met the first night in Dreamland was still too fresh, and he was convinced any person he saw out at night would be out to get him. He would need to find his own place and he would need to find one soon!

By morning he was almost desperate enough to ask Lucy to crash at his place, even though he knew the odds were slim, but then he saw a poster on a lamppost that gave him another idea.


	4. What Happened to Elfo? (Lucy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elfo is back and Bean is in trouble.

Lucy kind of hoped this housing crisis would make Elfo go back to the shithole he came from, so everything could go back to how it was before. Not that Elfo couldn’t be fun to have around; he was always an easy target for quips, insults, teasing, and even the occasional physical violence. He never stood too much up for himself, but got just the right amount of upset for it to be absolutely hilarious.

He was however weird and soft and annoying and seemed just a little too obsessed with Bean. Sure, Bean was awesome, but this whole three amigos thing was not really Lucy’s thing, although he had to admit that is was less terrible than he would have expected.

Despite this, when he entered his apartment above the bar after his shift, he couldn’t help looking at his spare room and thinking about how it would be if Elfo moved in. What would it be like to hear that annoying shrill voice in his home? Okay, he was definitely not going to offer it up. That would be a humiliating show of compassion and it would send a ton of the wrong signals. But maybe, if Bean and Elfo ganged up on him and tried to convince him, he would at least consider letting Elfo move in. Consider it! He might be an asshole, but he wasn’t completely heartless. And was Elfo really that bad? Yes! Yes, Elfo was an annoying dork and he could go to hell for all Lucy cared. Right?

Contrary to what Lucy had expected, Elfo didn’t come back to the bar that night. Neither did Bean, but he figured she was busy either yelling at or being yelled at by Zog. She was there the next day though, asking Lucy if he knew if Elfo was okay.

“I’m sure he’s fiiine,” Lucy said, but he wasn’t convinced.

“You saw how he ended up last time he spent a night alone in Dreamland,” She sounded as worried as Lucy felt, although that feeling had been pushed down so deep, that Lucy didn’t make the connection.

“But now he knows the place,” Lucy argued, “He won’t go provoking any drunken asshole he sees on the street,”

“But where will he go?” She asked.

“Eh…” Lucy said, but kept his cheery sarcastic tone, “Don’t know, don’t care,”

“Asshole,”

“Yes, thank you very much,” Lucy said, “If he does come back though, I’ve been toying with some great ideas to make him regret that decision,”

“Why would you…” Bean sighed.

“Just for fun, you know,”

“Screw you!”

Then Bean left Lucy to his work. This annoyed him, mainly because he didn’t want to work alone, but he really hoped to have some company to distract him from the whole Elfo situation. Who was he kidding; he had grown to care for the guy. Just a little bit.

Elfo did come back to the bar the day after that. He did not look like one who had spent the last two days on the street, though he still looked a bit worn.

For the first time since coming to Dreamland, Elfo ordered a beer with his own money. Lucy wanted to ask what the hell had happened, but Elfo had this look on his face, that clearly meant he was just waiting for that question. Lucy really didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Elfo had drunk half his beer when Lucy finally gave in.

“Fine, I’ll bite, where did you get the money?” He asked, purposely avoiding the housing issue. He couldn't forget how close he was to offer Elfo to move in, and he did not like how he felt about that. Or more accurately, he didn’t know how he felt about it, because he didn’t like feeling at all so he had pushed it down as deep as it could go, which by default also meant that he didn’t like how he felt about it. Or in short; Lucy really hated feelings!

“Science experiments,” Elfo grinned, “I just sit there, they take some of my blood, and then they give me money,”

Lucy was at a loss for words. He was not exactly happy that Elfo had taken a sketchy job that was probably some kind of scam – if someone were to scam Elfo, he wanted to do it himself, but Elfo was okay and not coming by begging for a place to stay. That was good, right?

“That’s great, Elfo,” Lucy said. It didn’t sound convincing to him, but Elfo didn’t seem to notice.

“And the best part is,” Elfo continued, “I can afford a room at the motel down the road,”

“They sleezy one with all the prostitutes?” Lucy raised an eyebrow.

“Is that what all those nice ladies are?”

“How can one person be that naïve?” Lucy sighed.

“Guys!” Bean ran into the pub, “I need your help,”

“Sup dumdum, what are you having?” Lucy asked.

“I’m having a problem that I can’t just drink away,” She retorted.

“I’m out, can’t help ya,” Lucy said.

“What’s wrong Bean?” Elfo asked.

“My stupid dad wants me to marry a rich pig,” She said.

“That sounds exactly like the kind of problem you drink away,” Lucy said, “Just drink until you’ve forgotten you’re supposed to get married, and the rich pig won’t want to marry the alcoholic mess you’ve become,”

“I don’t know, you think that’ll work,” She asked.

“Eh… sure,” Lucy lied.

“No Lucy, we have to do something,” Elfo said and turned to Bean, “You can’t just marry some random person, what if your soulmate is out there waiting for you?”

“According to my dad, that’s kind of the point,” Bean explained, “It’s a thing rich douchebags tends to do, like Zog and Oona, and then they hope to live forever,”

“Actually, I kind of agree with Zog on this one,” Lucy said, “You get to live forever and you don’t have some needy, lovesick chump following you wherever you go,”

“And yet, you look like you’re just a few hits of whatever drugs you are currently doing away from dying,” Bean scoffed.

“That’s how I’m living baby,” Lucy grinned.

“I’m just gonna let myself out before I say something that’s against bar policies,” Elfo stated and stepped outside to vape. Lucy followed. Not to spend time with Elfo, but because it was about time for a smoke break for him either way.

“Ew, you do that shit?” Lucy asked

“Yeah, it’s like candy,” Elfo said.

“It’s disgusting,” Lucy lit a cigarette.

“Well smoking is highly frowned upon in Elfwood, so I got used to this instead,”

“Then change to cigarettes now,” Lucy held out his pack for Elfo to take one, “You’re not in that lame backwards shithole of a town any longer,”

“But now I’m used to it,” Elfo rejected.

“Whatever, dork,”


	5. Princess Problems (Elfo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bean has a problem that needs solving and Elfo feels forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Seeing my work getting hits (even relatively few) is addictive as fuck.   
> Just in case you care, I have drafted all the way to chapter 10 and intend to publish around one chapter a week.

Elfo was a bit hurt that Bean had never taken the time to ask how he was doing. So much had happened since he last saw her, and he was quite proud of how he had handled it. Did Bean not even care enough to ask if he was okay?

When they went back inside Bean had gotten impressively more drunk in the short time since they saw her.

“Look at her, drinking away her sadness like a pro!” Lucy cheered.

Elfo let out a huff of annoyance. He wasn’t sure if he was annoyed with Bean for her self-destructive behavior or with Lucy for encouraging it.

“We need to do something, Zog is a nightmare,” She slurred.

“Why don’t you just leave like I did?” Elfo asked. he hoped it would prompt Bean to ask him about his new job. “You’re an adult, you can make your own decisions,”

“And do what?” She asked, “I have no money of my own, no skills, no place to go,”

“Don’t you have a weird stepmom, maybe she will help you?” Lucy asked.

“Yeah, but I don’t think so,” Bean muttered.

“You have a stepmom?” Elfo asked, feeling a bit left out about the fact that she never told him.

“Yeah, but I barely know her, and I don’t think she cares if I’m miserable in some shitty marriage” Bean noted, “She doesn’t even seem to care that _she_ is.”

“How about we get rid of Zog, so he can’t order you around anymore?” Lucy asked.

“Okay, wayyy too dark here, dial it back a little,” Bean said.

“Get rid of your fiancé?” Lucy asked hopefully.

“Still no,” she said, “Unless…”

“Unless what?” Elfo asked, sensing the dark turn this was taking. Or had it been dark from the beginning? He didn’t believe Bean would be capable of some Lucy-level horribleness, but the more he thought about it, the less he had to back that thought up. He thought him and Bean were closer, more alike. Now he wasn’t so sure. He tried to push the thought away - all the doubts were exhausting.

“Unless we can get Merkimer to leave without hurting him,” Bean said.

“I never said we would have to hurt him,” Lucy protested, “I did mean that, though, thanks for assuming I’m an asshole,”

“I can’t even tell if you’re being sarcastic or not,” Elfo said.

“Me neither,” Bean remarked.

“Sooo, do you want me to threaten the guy?” Lucy asked.

“No, I don’t know, something more discreet,” Bean said.

“I know, we ask him nicely to call it off,” Elfo said with a smile that suggested that he thought it was a brilliant and not at all obvious idea. He really wanted to stay away from the shady plans Lucy was bound to start slinging out any moment now.

“Right,” Lucy scoffed, “The fiancé or the dad?”

“Doesn’t matter, none of them would listen,” Bean said, “We need real solutions guys,”

“I’m serious,” Elfo insisted, “If we ask him really nicely and give him anything he asks for in return, I’m sure he will be reasonable,”

“We are dealing with very unreasonable people here, it’s nice of you to want to try, but we gotta go for something more… aggressive,” Bean said.

“So we’re back to scaring him off? I bet I can insult him until he leaves of his own free will, what are his personal insecurities?” Lucy suggested.

“You said we weren’t going to hurt him,” Elfo protested. He was starting to feel really left out due to having a sense of morals.

“You’re no fun,” Lucy grumbled.

“I’m plenty of fun,” Elfo argued, “I’m just not mean,”

“Is there a bad Elfo somewhere in there?” Bean queried, “We could kind of use a bad Elfo about now,”

“There is no such thing,” Lucy laughed, “He is soft through and through,”

“Untrue,” Elfo squeaked, “I can be bad!”

“Sure thing buddy,” Lucy said.

“I _can_ be bad,” Elfo squeaked in an even higher voice.

“No offence, Elfo, but I think Lucy is right about this one,” Bean argued.

“Like you care enough to notice,” Elfo muttered under his breath.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Bean asked and Lucy leaned back on the wall behind the counter to watch the oncoming chaos.

“Nothing, it’s fine! I’m just fine!” Elfo said not quite sure if he wanted her to follow up or not.

“You’re not fine, what’s wrong?” Bean asked again.

“Nothing!” Elfo insisted.

“What happened to you these past few days?” Bean sounded worried.

“Oh, now you’re interested, huh?”

“Well I kind of had my hands full with the whole being forced to marry some pig!” She hissed.

“Yeah, I know, and I really want to help you, but it’s kind of hard to care when you don’t even bother to ask if I’m sleeping on the street,” Elfo was getting himself really riled up, but he couldn’t back out now.

“And now I’m asking, what’s been going on?”

“I solved it. On my own, because no one was there to help me!” Elfo barked.

“Good.” Bean said.

“Good.” Elfo said.

“Now can we go back to sabotaging my engagement?” Bean asked.

“Fine.” Elfo said.

After an awkward silence Lucy brought out some more alcohol and the argument was almost forgotten. Or at least ignored. Elfo was willing to let it go, but he would not forget about it anytime soon.


	6. The Pig's Bachelor Party (Lucy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They found a way to get rid of Merkimer. Now they just have to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is full of unethical stuff. Not that it should come as a big surprise.

Lucy stumbled up the stairs to his apartment early in the morning. They had been drinking and scheming until he had to close the bar, after which they had walked around the streets of dreamland smoking weed. Or at least Lucy had, he was honestly too far gone to notice if the other two were as well. The weed gave him a nice feeling of calm and contentment, which was lucky, because he would have been really uncomfortable with how much he seemed to care about the problems of his friends. About Elfo too. He was an annoying little dork, but he was fun to have around.

How Bean had managed to arrange it, Lucy never found out, but a week later, they were celebrating Merkimer’s bachelor party at the Flying Scepter. Everything was in place; they were ready to execute their plan (which Bean had to repeatedly explain to Lucy did not include an actual execution, which he found quite disappointing).

Lucy’s first impression of Merkimer led him to the conclusion that he would have either literally or figuratively scammed the pants of the idiot, if they didn’t have something bigger in mind. He had to admit the guy wasn’t not good looking, but his arrogance really ruined his image. Yeah, he would gladly help screw over the pig. And despite the moral hang-ups of his friends, Lucy felt like they had come up with a quite decent plan.

Elfo had reluctantly agreed to being the one stuck with Merkimer. His job was to win the trust of the pig while getting him very drunk. Elfo was doing a great job. He was acting all interested and he was telling Merkimer all the boring bullshit about his home town that Bean and Lucy never wanted to hear about. Merkimer looked too drunk to listen either, but it did make him down a few more of Lucy’s extra strong drinks with an extra shot of liquor. Yeah, they were about three times as strong as you would expect.

Bean was supposed to stay in the background. Her only real job was to make a few comments about weak drinkers, which worked like magic. Merkimer was as stubborn as the ass he was, so he made sure to drink even more every time Bean was near.

By the time Merkimer was just on the brink of passing out, Elfo looked quite drunk too. Lucy had to remind him of the plan and repeat the instructions three times before Elfo got the hint and got moving.

“Merkimer, my friend,” Elfo slurred as he approached him, “Lucy here has an amazing idea for the grand finale of your party!”

“Grand!” Merkimer shouted clearly too drunk to control his volume, “Grand is the only way I party,”

Lucy cringed and exchanged a look with Elfo. That little dork better not be chickening out now, Lucy thought to himself, his part was almost done. But he did look like he might.

“That’s right Elfo,” Lucy said trying to move it along before Elfo got cold feet, “I have a pal at the harbor who’s got us hooked up,”

“The harbor?” Merkimer asked, “What on earth could be there?”

“It’s a surprise!” Elfo yelled with a panic that would have given them away if Merkimer had been sober enough to notice.

“Elfo, be cool!” Lucy hissed when Merkimer stumbled away to get his coat and Bean was joining them.

“But aren’t we taking it a bit too far?” Elfo asked.

“Chill Elfo, we agreed,” Bean assured him.

“He is rich and handsome, he’s gonna be fiiine!” Lucy assured them in a sing-song voice.

“He’s right, he has never had a single struggle in his life,” Bean said.

“Fine, but I’m not helping you any more,” Elfo said.

“Your part is done anyway, all you need to do is come with us,” Bean said.

Elfo reluctantly agreed and they left the bar. The three of them walked while Merkimer stumbled towards the harbor. Elfo brought out his flute and began playing a cheerful melody and the rest of them chimed in. They were not at all in agreement about the words or the tune, so it sounded horrible, but neither of them cared.

“Lucy, you’re late,” A man greeted them at the harbor when they finally made it there, “We’re taking off in a few minutes,”

“Chill, we’re here,” Lucy said.

“Well bring your guy on board so we can get going,” The sailor said.

“Come on Merkimer,” Lucy turned to the pig who was clearly very close to passing out, “This guy is gonna take us out on the water on a party barge!” He gestured at the cargo ship.

“Partyyyy!” Merkimer shouted.

“It’s out on the open sea where the law doesn’t reach,” Bean added, “Anything goes!”

“Anything?” Merkimer asked.

“Anything goes!” Bean confirmed.

“Hooray!” Merkimer shouted as they led him unto the ship. He was too drunk to notice that the three others were not staying with him. He was also too drunk to stay awake after he had found a place to sit, which was just on the deck with his back resting against the rail, and he was too drunk to notice the sailor from before getting a final word with Lucy before the ship left.

“He is gonna feel like shit when he wakes up,” Bean said while they watched the ship take off in the light of the rising sun, “And he is gonna be furious when he comes back,”

“Well, there’s nothing he can do until the ship docks, which should be near a month from now,” Lucy said.

“How did you get them to take him?” Elfo asked.

“Called in a pretty big favor,” Lucy shrugged, “So you owe me now,” He added, just for good measure. He wouldn’t want them to get too confident in their friendship.

“Where is the ship even going?” Bean asked.

“Don’t know,” Lucy said, “I don’t even know what language they speak over there, so it’s not gonna be easy for him to get back,”

“Good,” Bean said.

Lucy couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of how self-serving Bean was being and how little she cared. This was definitely partially due to his influence.


	7. Return of an Old Acquaintance (Elfo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things are rounded off and another character appears. If you looked at the notes, you can probably guess who it is ;)

Despite having been on board in the beginning, Elfo felt that what they did to Merkimer had crossed a line. It was one thing getting the pig drunk, he did that happily without thinking too much of it, but what followed was just too cruel. He was also still mad at Bean for forgetting that she left him homeless on the street, and now he was angry with Lucy for coming up with an unnecessarily evil plan to get rid of Merkimer. Back when they were planning the whole thing, his friends had made it sound so reasonable. Once Merkimer’s ship had disappeared over the horizon, Elfo had had time to process it without interruptions, and now he was fuming.

Sure Merkimer would be fine, but he would be fine far away with no means of getting home. And what if the police got involved? And Bean already made it clear how little she cared for him. He knew it would be useless to start an argument, but Elfo could hold a grudge like no other, so he was at least going to passive aggressively sulk for a while.

He was however quickly diverted from that idea, when Bean finally had time to really process what had been going on with Elfo since he was kicked out by Zog.

“You let them take your blood?” Bean shouted and earned a few dirty looks from the rest of the people in the Flying Scepter.

“It’s no big deal, I can afford to live on my own now,” Elfo said.

“Okay, Elfo, I’m really sorry I didn’t ask about it earlier, this I horrible,” Bean said.

“But I don’t need all my blood, I can make more,” Elfo insisted.

“It’s still not healthy,” She said.

Elfo looked suggestively at the two full and dozen empty glasses in front of them and then back up at Bean. Lucy was at a safe distance, but he still didn’t dare to say what he was thinking out loud.

“I know, I know, but this is different!” Bean insisted.

“Yeah, this is necessary to live,” Elfo said.

“Fine, I’ll stop arguing,” Bean sighed, “But you’re still my friend, and I’m gonna help you find something better!”

“How are you gonna do that?” Elfo asked.

“How hard can it be?” She shrugged and shouted, “Lucy! Can you get a job for Elfo at the bar?”

“Why?” Lucy asked.

“He’s selling his blood!” She explained with an outraged expression.

“I know, so?” Lucy said. Elfo felt slightly victorious, knowing that Lucy agreed with him.

“You knew?” Bean asked.

“Yeah, so?” Lucy shrugged.

“We need to help him find something better!” Bean proclaimed.

“First of all, I don’t need to do anything,” Lucy said, “Second of all, does he have any qualifications whatsoever?”

“Hey, rude!” Elfo protested, but was ignored. The good feeling he had before disappeared in seconds. Now he himself was worrying about whether or not he actually had any talents or abilities.

“I don’t know, he plays music,” Bean suggested.

“He is not playing that garbage in here!” Lucy stated.

“Okay, that’s starting to hurt!” Elfo interrupted. He was waiting for them to apologize, but no one said anything. Instead they were staring at something behind Elfo.

Elfo turned and saw a young-looking white haired woman had just stepped into the bar. She was fancily dressed and had an air of confidence and arrogance about her, which made the drunken fools in the bar move out of the way for her.

“Bean?” The woman walked towards the trio.

“Who… mom?” Bean croaked.

“That’s right,” The woman said.

“Isn’t your mom supposed to be dead?” Lucy asked.

“Lucy? You’re still here?” Dagmar asked, “You haven’t changed a bit,”

“What’s going on? You know each other? You are supposed to be dead!” Bean said, visibly shaking.

“Don’t be so dramatic, darling, it was just a little trick,” Dagmar said.

“A little trick?” Bean asked, her expression slowly moving from shocked to angry.

“I had things I needed to do without his meddling, this way I solved several problems at once,”

“Dad was investigated for your murder!” Bean fumed.

“What? Why?” Elfo asked in surprise interrupting the reunion.

“They thought he killed her to stay immortal,” Bean said.

“Yes, it’s a pity it didn’t stick, I was sure I had thought of everything,” Dagmar said, “Are you ready to go?”

“What?” Bean asked.

“I saw the stunt you pulled with your fiancé. I’m impressed, we have a lot in common and I could use your talents for a little problem I’m having,”

“What talents?” Lucy laughed.

“Diabolical, self-serving, conning,” She listed. No one commented on the fact that those are not exactly talents and Elfo did not dare to bring it up.

“You should ask Lucy then,” Elfo muttered under his breath.

“Oh, but I think Bean is perfect,” Dagmar insisted, “Plus I would love to reconnect with my daughter,”

“What gives you the right?” Bean commanded, “You left me! You framed my father!”

“Come on, it’s not exactly like you have the moral high ground here,” Dagmar scoffed, “And you know Zog. He has done enough sleazy things to belong in prison despite the legal loopholes he has managed to abuse so far. Additionally he thought we were soulmates and it was getting difficult to keep up the pretense. Just come with me, I’ll help you understand everything,”

Bean just stared at Dagmar in silence.

“Bean, you don’t have to do it,” Elfo said, “You have us, you don’t even know this woman,”

“Elfo, she’s my mom,” Bean said.

“And we’re nothing to you?” Elfo asked.

“We? Don’t speak for me!” Lucy protested.

“This is a lot!” Bean groaned.

“Oh, but darling you’re right, we’re family,” Dagmar said, “Can’t you do your mother a favor?”

Lucy huffed something under his breath.

“Can I at least have some time to think about it?” Bean said.

“Oh, of course darling,” Dagmar said, her voice sweet as aspartame and just as fake, “Take all the time you need, and then come find me,”

“How?” Bean asked.

“I’ll leave instructions for you at the library,” Dagmar replied, then left without another word.

“Bean, you can’t go with her,” Elfo said, “Not after she left you like that,”

Bean looked deep into her glass without a word.

“I hate to say this,” Lucy injected, “But Elfo has a point. I don’t think she is very trustworthy,”

“Don’t worry guys, I won’t do anything rash,” Bean said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Dagmar is back and she is as manipulative as ever.


	8. Beanless (Lucy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elfo has something he needs to talk to Lucy about and Bean is absent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I did this well, get ready for the feels!

The next day Lucy got a text from Bean.

From Bean – [zog made me stay home for a few days. c u soon]

To Bean – [y don’t u just run away?]

From Bean – [cant. say hi to elfo]

To Bean – [what the hell is going on???]

That was the last either of them heard from her in a week.

“Lucy!” Elfo shouted when he came running into to bar that afternoon.

“Sub dork,” Lucy said. There was no malice in his voice, but the insulting speech pattern was difficult to shake. Not that he had tried.

Elfo looked nervously around. Lucy wondered what Elfo was so riled up about.

“Where is Bean?” Elfo asked. His voice was calm but his expression was all over the place. Something was definitely up.

“She texted me that she has to stay home for a few days. She says hi.” Lucy said.

“Great,” Elfo grinned, “Well, not great, but I wanted to talk without her here,”

“What on earth-”

“I’ve aged!” Elfo interrupted.

“You’ve aged?” Lucy asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Yes, look!” Elfo hold out his hand, “That line was not there before!

“You sure?” Lucy asked, turning the skepticism in his voice up a notch.

“I’ve spent decades looking for signs of aging, I think I would know!” Elfo hissed. Lucy noticed the word decades and wondered how old Elfo actually was. Were they about the same age?

“But you have also been drinking a lot more recently, that could be it,”

“No, alcohol makes you look tired and pale and skinny - like you - it doesn’t give wrinkles,” He said, “Plus, I’ve been drinking before, it never did anything like this,”

“If you say so,” Lucy said, doing his best to ignore the passive aggressive insult, “So why are you telling me?”

“I think it’s Bean,” Elfo grinned.

“You do realize it could be literally anyone who hangs out at the bar regularly, even if you haven’t spoken to them,”

“Yeah, but I just feel like it is someone close to me, you know,” Elfo looked like the heart eyes emoji and Lucy felt like puking.

“No, I don’t know, and I’m still not convinced that is an actual sign of aging,” Lucy lied.

“Why are you like this?” Elfo asked, “Do you think I’m lying?”

“No, you’re a terrible liar, I think you’re fooling yourself to find hope in your sad, pathetic life,” Lucy said, trying to upset Elfo into leaving. This conversation was making him really uncomfortable, and he really needed some peace and quiet to suppress that feeling.

“You’re just afraid of becoming the third wheel!” Elfo snapped back. Some small voice in the back of Lucy’s head told him that might not be far off, but he ignored it.

“I’m not that insecure!” Lucy said, as much to reassure himself as to convince Elfo.

“Sure, you’re not,” Elfo quipped.

“Are you gonna order a drink or what?” Lucy asked, searching for a reason to throw Elfo out of the bar. He would physically toss him out of the door if he had to.

“Yeah, gi’me one of Bean’s beers,” Elfo said.

“I thought you said they were too strong for you,” Lucy wondered.

“Well, it’s Bean,” Elfo said. The heart eyes were back and so was Lucy’s nausea.

“Eugh, you make me wanna barf!” Lucy said.

“Don’t be so cynical,” Elfo smiled, as if that was as simple as changing a coat.

“Yeah, what do you know?” Lucy mumbled.

“I know that being a heartless asshole does not mean that you’re smart,” Elfo observed.

“Maybe, but that doesn’t make you better than me,” Lucy argued.

“Of course not, that’s not at all what I’m saying,” Elfo sighed.

“What is it then?” Lucy asked. He knew that he should leave it alone and try to steer the topic of conversation to something else, but his curiosity got the better of him.

“That you would be a lot happier of you tried believing in things instead of just drinking away every feeling,” Elfo’s smug smile made Lucy feel like punching him in the face.

He fell quiet for a moment. He was not sure how he was going to deflect this. Arguing was certainly not an option, since Elfo was inarguably right.

“No drink shaming!” Lucy commanded.

“Geez, what happened to you?” Elfo asked.

“None of your damned business!” Lucy hissed.

“The world is a harsh and unfair place, but the way to get better is not to ignore it, but to share the burden with the people you love,” Elfo said. Lucy once again felt the urge to puke, but in a less sad way this time.

“Ha! Love is for chumps!” He laughed.

“Just let me help you, you stubborn asswipe!” Elfo snapped.

“You are really serious about all this aren’t you?” Lucy asked.

“Of course, you’re my friend, I want you to be happy,” Elfo suddenly seemed a lot more sincere.

“Then you would be the first,” Lucy mumbled. He didn’t expect Elfo to hear or to care.

“Don’t be silly, I’m sure at least your parents loved you,” Elfo tried to reassure him.

“No,” Lucy huffed. 

“You don’t have a family?” Elfo asked. Lucy could see the surfacing pity. He had seen enough of that for a lifetime, or three, and he knew it would only get worse.

“Nope,” Lucy said and was about to say something to cancel the upcoming pity party, but then Elfo was out of sight. Before Lucy knew it, Elfo had reappeared on his side of the bar and wrapped his arms around him.

“What are you doing,” Lucy asked, genuinely confused.

“You need a hug,” Elfo said with all the kindness he could muster, which was a lot more than Lucy was comfortable with.

“Please, don’t,” Lucy tried. He was painfully aware that the wall holding back his emotions was not strong enough to withstand this kind of kindness and affection for much longer.

“You don’t get a say.” Elfo insisted, “Also me and Bean are your family now.”

“That’s not what family means,” Lucy argued.

“It’s called a chosen family, and you don’t get a say in that either,”

“I didn’t choose you,” Lucy said.

“That doesn’t matter, we chose you,” Elfo said.

“Well played you sweet bastard,” Lucy said, letting just a tiny bit of emotion fall through.

“I actually technically am a bastard, did you know that?” Elfo said, effectively changing the topic to something more light hearted, for which Lucy was extremely grateful. The wall was secure for the time being.

“You know I’m never gonna let you hear the end of that, right?” Lucy smiled.

“Yeah, but I’ll give you this one,”

“Thank you, bastard,”

That night when he got home, Lucy looked at himself carefully in the mirror. He didn’t do that often, so the deepening of the line on his forehead was fairly noticeable. He silently begged for it to be some crazy coincidence! It couldn’t be Elfo! He had hoped to never find the person, but if he had to, Elfo was about the last person he wanted! It could be Merkimer. Then he could kill the pig and go back to being eternally young. Except Merkimer hadn’t been around for long enough. Or… no there had been no other new people around the bar these past few months.

He thought back on the past month. He had tried to keep Elfo at an arm’s length like he did with anyone, but with surprisingly little effect. He often had to fight back a smile when Elfo did one thing or the other and he severely enjoyed pestering him. Could this really be? He didn’t want a soulmate, so why did he have to have one? He was doing well on his own, just having himself to look out for. Fuck that little dork! Why did he have to come along and ruin everything?


	9. When Bean is Back (Elfo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bean returns after a troubeling week and Elfo believes she is his soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big Joe is a therapist in this universe, but he is still evil. This is purely for the sake of the story, and NOT to represent real life therapy.  
> For the coming chapters some addiction-related problems are addressed. I know very little of addiction, so keep that in mind.  
> Also TW small anxiety attack.

It was strange without Bean there, but to Elfo’s surprise, it was great fun hanging out with just Lucy. For the most part. Sometimes it was mildly to severely disturbing when Lucy turned mean towards some unsuspecting customer.

The worst case happened on a rather calm night. Elfo was using glasses with left over drinks to play music. With Lucy’s help he tuned them and played a nice little melody for him.

To Elfo’s relief, Lucy barely made fun of him, apart from a few instances of name calling. Instead he was listening and smiling as Elfo played his little tune.

Neither of them noticed the guy standing at the other end of the bar.

“Quit flirting with your boyfriend and get me a drink!” The stranger shouted after a minute. Elfo jumped at the sound and tipped over one of the glasses. His mind was immediately pulled back to his first night in Dreamland. He was shaking and trying hard to remain focused on the present.

“My what” He could hear Lucy ask. The voice of his friend felt distant, despite Lucy being right in front of him.

“Your ugly little twink of a partner,” The stranger said.

“Hey, not cool!” Elfo whined and at the same time Lucy hissed: “He’s not,”

The stranger didn’t seem to care about their protests, he got the attention he was looking for, and now he wanted his drink.

Elfo’s uneasy feeling was combined with anger towards the asshole. He didn’t know if he wanted to cry or shout or hide away. He did neither of those things. Instead he started shakily cleaning up the spilled drinks, to keep him focused on something else. Luckily the glass that tipped over was a high note, so there wasn’t much in it.

“I apologize,” Lucy turned towards the asshole, his voice changed and his smile as phony as they come, “What will you have? This one is on me,”

The guy pointed to the most expensive drink on the card. Lucy flashed his pointy teeth as he started mixing. Elfo knew something was up, but the stranger, not knowing Lucy, suspected nothing.

The guy took his drink and left with a self-satisfied smile on his stupid face.

“What did you do?” Elfo asked. Under normal circumstances he would have been angry with Lucy for whatever he did to the stranger, but right now he didn’t care.

“Wait and see,” Lucy smiled.

A little while later, the guy was rushing to the restroom, which was conveniently occupied.

“Did you..?” Elfo asked.

“Yup, laxatives,” Lucy grinned.

“And the restroom?”

“Fixed the sign, it’s completely empty,” Lucy snickered.

Elfo wanted to reprimand Lucy, but he figured this particular asshole had it coming.

The guy barged into the restroom after a few minutes, finally deciding to ignore the ‘occupied’ sign. He left the bar shortly after, wearing a stolen scarf as a skirt.

At the end of the night, when Lucy was cleaning up, he found the guy’s wallet in the pocket of a pair of absolutely disgusting pants in the restroom trashcan.

Elfo was over the moon when Bean finally came back to the bar. He couldn’t wait to tell Bean that she was his soulmate. He had waited for this so long. To find his soulmate, and that soulmate being one of his best friends, was the dream.

“Hey guys,” Bean mumbled as she sat down by the bar.

“What happened to you?” Lucy asked.

“Oh, nothing much, I’m better now,” Bean’s voice was monotone and lazy.

“Don’t seem better – let me get you something to forget your trouble,” Lucy tried.

“No thanks, just a soda,” Bean said.

“What?” Lucy gasped. Elfo was sure he was purposely exaggerating to make her laugh, but with Lucy you never knew.

“I don’t think I should be drinking tonight,” Bean said.

“Why?” Lucy asked.

“Joe, this new doctor my dad made me see, he made some really good points,” She explained.

“Your dad made you see a doctor, and you just listened to him?” Lucy started to sound genuinely worried.

“I didn’t at first, but…”

“Well, it’s a doctor, I’m sure he knows what he’s talking about,” Elfo said.

“Yeah, Elfo, thank you,” Bean smiled. Elfo beamed back at her.

Lucy mumbled something under his breath.

“Why did you have to see a doctor anyway?” Elfo asked.

“I’d rather not…” Bean trailed off.

“Pleaaaase, what is it?” Elfo asked, “Bean? Bean, what is it?”

“I have been seeing things,” Bean admitted with a sigh.

“What kind of things?” Elfo asked.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Bean insisted. Elfo was not sure if he should leave it. He didn’t want to be annoying, but he really wanted to help his friend and soulmate. How was he supposed to tell her they were soulmates when she was like this? Maybe he should wait until she felt better.

“Back to repression” Lucy cheered, “Great, I’ll get out the whiskey,”

“That’s not what I meant,” Bean protested and then sighed, “But if you’re getting it anyway, I might as well have one or two,”

“That’s more like it!” Lucy poured an entire bottle of whiskey into three beer glasses.

“So what have you two been up to?” Bean asked.

“Nothing much, working, drinking,” Elfo started blabbering, trying to keep himself from talking about the soulmate stuff.

“So replacing the blood in your body with alcohol? That sounds fun,” Bean said.

“I’ve finally managed to literally scam the pants of someone,” Lucy bragged.

“You’ve done that before,” Bean stated, “Thanks for that by the way, I’m never getting that picture out of my mind,”

“Your fault for looking,” Lucy said, “Well this time it was even better, I’m sorry you missed it,”

“Trust me, you should be glad you missed it,” Elfo said, “It was _not_ a pretty sight,”

“Eugh, ungrateful bastard, I paid for your drinks all night with that money,” Lucy grunted, “I’m never standing up for you again!” Elfo ignored the last part. He did not have the mental energy to consider what it meant when Lucy tried to be nice.

“Well now Bean is here with her dad’s credit card,” Elfo said.

“Well…” Bean hesitated.

“Oh, I don’t mean to presume anything, but you always seem happy to waste your dad’s money on us,” Elfo explained, trying to sway his guilt.

“Yeah, you’re right, he deserves it,” She laughed. After that she seemed a bit more like herself.

Like it often went, the three friends ended up stumbling down the street in the early hours of the morning, each with a bottle of booze in their hand. Bean was less drunk than usual, so she was basically keeping the balance of all three of them, since neither of the guys were able to stand on their own. Lucy at least tried.

“Don’t you want to do something other than give blood for a living?” Bean asked Elfo.

“Shureee,” Elfo slurred and grabbed for his flute, only to remember he left it at the bar. Then he tried whistling, but had to eventually settle for humming, when his lips seemed unwilling to cooperate.

“Is this your way of saying you want to play music?” Bean asked.

“All ze mushic juzzz for you,” He sang very out of tune.

“Okay buddy,” Bean said, “I think we should get you home,”

“Zo kind t’ me,” Elfo mumbled and leaned even more on Bean.

“Ew, stop that!” Lucy groaned.

“What?” Bean asked.

“You’re acting all couple-y, it’s disgusting,” Lucy said.

“I pity your z-shulmate,” Elfo slurred without looking up. He was completely unable to focus at this point, so it wouldn’t have made any difference.

“HA! Jokes on you, they’re never gonna find me!” Lucy declared.

“Well I found mine, s-so you will too evenshually,” Elfo was coming back to himself a little. He hadn’t exactly sobered up, to say the least, but he at least put a little effort into looking the part. He would not let Lucy win an argument just because he was drunk.

“You found your soulmate?” Bean asked with a big smile, “Who is he?”

Lucy let out a big laugh.

“What?” Bean said.

“Nothing, he’s juzz trying to…” Elfo trailed off, far too drunk to think of a convincing lie despite his best efforts. In reality the alcohol was not so much the problem, as Elfo’s honest nature.

“See, no way you’ve actually aged,” Lucy said.

“I did so!” Elfo squeaked.

“Nope, you’re just so desperate you’re starting to imagine things,” Lucy said.

“And you’re so mean you’re saying things,” Elfo retorted. He was painfully aware of how weak an insult it was.

“What?” Lucy said, “That makes no sense,”

“I don’t know,” Elfo mumbled. Then he looked up and noticed that Bean had managed to lead them back to the motel. He didn’t even notice they had been going that way.

“Just go to bed, Elfo,” Bean said.

“m-kay, s-jus…” He mumbled as he fumbled for his keys. Eventually, with a not insignificant amount of help from Bean, he got inside. Bean and Lucy dragged him to his bed, where they both sat down for a second before turning home, but before they knew it, all of them had fallen asleep in a big pile.

In the next room the occupant was woken only five minutes before their alarm went off by the noise of three very drunk people, snoring loudly, as drunks tend to do.


	10. Rereturn (Lucy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy is using Bean's family drama to distract himself from his existential crisis and unwanted feelings

Around midday Lucy woke up in an unfamiliar bed with the sun shining in his face. His eyes hurt from the hangover and the bright light, and for a moment he wondered where he was. He was used to waking up in strange places, but never in someone else’s bed. Just because he was in favor of the concept of sleeping around, didn’t mean he did it.

Slowly getting his bearings, he noticed Elfo. He was not quite next to him, more like under him as if he was a pillow.

Last night slowly came back to him. Damn, he hoped he hadn’t ruined anything between him and Elfo. More specifically, he hoped Elfo hadn’t suspected why he was so upset. This whole soulmate shit was a pain in the ass, even with Elfo being oblivious. He would have to get out of here before Elfo woke up to keep it that way, but he was just really comfortable and really sleepy and Elfo was the perfect cuddling size.

Maybe it wasn’t a big deal. Hadn’t Bean stayed here as well? Well she was gone now. How much did she know? Even if she hadn’t stayed to witness the cuddle party (ew) Lucy wasn’t sure how much was revealed during their fight last night.

He stayed there for a few minutes before he could will himself out of the bed. He felt… ew, feelings - he didn’t even want to think about that. So he pushed his feelings as far down as they could go (which was getting hard since the feelings pit was nearly overflowing) and untangled himself from Elfo before he snuck out.

On the way home a rather obvious thought occurred to him. If Elfo really was his soulmate, which was nearly impossible to deny by now, he was really going to age. Oh shit, he was going to die. Not immediately of course, but with his lifestyle he probably had a few decades at most. A few decades before an eternity in hell. Maybe he should cut down on the drugs to postpone it just a little? Was he really thinking that? What the hell was happening to him?

Lucy stomped grumpily home to shower before going to the bar, where he started off with a couple of mean scams that he would usually reserve for extreme assholes. He didn’t care today, he needed someone to take his anger out on.

“Oona is leaving,” Bean announced when she came to the bar that evening.

“What? Why?” Lucy asked, relieved to have a distraction.

“Finally got sick of Zog I guess,”

“And how is he taking it?”

“I don’t know, he seems pretty much the same,” Bean shrugged.

“Well let’s have a toast then,” Lucy grinned, “To a happy divorce,”

“Why would you toast to that?” Bean shook her head at him.

“Well, I’m not gonna toast to love,”

“That is sad coming from someone who looks to have aged,” Bean noted with a smug smile.

“What?” Lucy yelped, “No I haven’t!” Painfully aware of how panicked his reaction had sounded.

“You sure?” Bean asked, “Eh, what do I care,”

There was an awkward silence. Lucy was franticly searching his mind for topics that was sure not to backfire, but he came up blank. No matter what he came up with, his mind seemed to be able to connect it to Elfo, soulmates or mortality. All things he really wanted to avoid.

“Anyway,” Bean finally broke the silence, “I started looking into Zog’s business, and it turns out I’m not in his will,”

“What? You get nothing?” Lucy asked.

“Not a cent,” She stated, “But I have a plan to change that,”

“That’s my girl,” He smiled, “What made you notice now?” Relieved at the safe topic he decided to milk every last word out of it.

“Turns out Oona did a lot more of Zog’s paperwork than I thought and now he needs someone to take over,”

“So free labor?”

“Basically, but after my sessions with Joe, I feel like I can do it,”

“Right, therapy…” Lucy mumbled.

“What’s your problem?”

“Don’t trust therapists,”

“I don’t trust you,”

“Smart.”

“So what is Elfo up to?” Bean asked.

“Why are you asking me?” Lucy tried to stay calm while he once again unsuccessfully scanned his brain for replacement topics.

“You’re the last one to see him,”

“Well I don’t know,” Lucy feared where this was heading, and was relieved to see a familiar face.

“Bean, I thought I would find you here,” Dagmar said as she strode to the bar, taking up a presence in the room like few others could.

Bean looked at her mother with wide eyes.

“What? You look like you’ve seen a ghost, I thought we got through this last time,” Dagmar said.

“You are real?” Bean whispered.

“Don’t be silly, of course I am,”

“She is really here?” Bean turned to Lucy.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t she?”

“Joe said…”

“Oh no, you’ve been seeing Big Joe?” Dagmar interrupted.

“Yeah?”

“Stay away from him, he is bad news!” Dagmar said.

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Lucy cheered.

“What happened to you?” Dagmar turned to Lucy.

“What?” Lucy asked.

“You look different,”

“No I don’t,”

“She’s right,” Bean said.

Lucy had no answer to that, so he turned around to clean behind the bar. He rarely cleaned it thoroughly, so there was plenty to keep him busy enough to avoid the conversation. He still listened though, because he loved a good family drama.

“Bean, I could really use your help,” Dagmar said.

“I said no before, didn’t I?”

“Help me out here. I gave birth to you, now you can return the favor,”

“That’s not how parenthood works,”

“I’m the parent here, I’m the one to tell you how it works,”

“What are you planning anyway?”

“I can’t tell you much before you agree to help,” Dagmar said.

Lucy couldn’t stay out of it any longer.

“As your personal scamming expert, I must tell you that this is bullshit,” He interrupted.

“Shut up, Lucy,” Dagmar hissed, but apparently saw his point, “It’s a big scale scam, which will be much easier if I have someone who is not legally dead who looks like me,” She explained. Lucy had to admit, that did sound intriguing.

“And what would I get out of this?” Bean asked. She was handling it pretty well, and Lucy was more proud than he cared to admit.

“I’m swindling money out of an array of big corporations,” Dagmar said, “You will of course get part of the profit,”

“I’ve got my own thing going with Zog’s company,”

“He isn’t even letting you inherit anything,”

“How do you know-” Bean cut herself off, “Well it doesn’t matter, I’m doing his paperwork now,”

“He has not gotten smarter with age I see,”

“Yeah, but I have, so you can’t fool me anymore,”

“Your loss, see you around.” Dagmar said, unsettlingly cheery considering the rejection she had just been handed by her own daughter. Then she left the bar.

“I can’t believe my parents are like that.” Bean groaned, letting her mask drop to reveal the face of a lost young woman, “What does that make me?”

“Garbage?” Lucy joked.

“Yeah, but aren’t we all?” Bean laughed.

“Yup,” Lucy said and hummed a happy little melody as he brought out another bottle of whiskey.


	11. A Little Help From a Friend (Elfo)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elfo is once again in need of help. This time Lucy steps up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out the later chapters are harder than the first, thus the delay. I don't dare to guess when the next chapter will be up, but I promise that I will not abandon it completely.
> 
> Oh and balancing Elfo's degree of obliviousness was really difficult. I hope I've gotten it about right. The more I think about it the more I feel in over my head with this fic.

Elfo avoided the topic of soulmates for the week following. Something felt off about Bean’s reaction to his mention of soulmates. To be fair, he didn’t remember it clearly, but she should have had another reaction than “Who is he?”

Instead she seemed to push him more towards Lucy, which only added to Elfo’s confusion. Maybe Lucy was right about Bean not being the one. His mind was swirling with worries and no answers and he had no one to talk to about it – at least no one who was both qualified to answer and uninvolved in the situation.

Somehow he managed to hide those feelings well enough to barely affect the mood in the bar. The trio seemed as strong as ever, except for the fact that Bean usually came late, having an actual job to get to. That just meant Elfo got to talk more to Lucy alone, which he had come to love.

He had gotten pieces of Lucy’s past out of him too. Lucy had been an orphan. He had had shitty foster homes (what that specifically meant remained unclear) and he had been on his own since he was sixteen. He had a strange obsession with hell and his drug abuse used to be far worse than currently.

One day Lucy even let slip that he had nearly stopped his use of hard drugs altogether. That he wasn’t too addicted to handle that, Elfo considered a miracle, which Lucy was too cynical to believe in. That led to an entertaining argument about miracles, gods, fate and the beauty of life. Elfo loved challenging Lucy’s cynical philosophies because he would either respond with a smug smile or grumpy muttering and both were very entertaining to watch.

“Remember when I asked you for help after Zog kicked me out?” Elfo asked Lucy an afternoon when they were waiting for Bean to show up.

“Yeah?”

“Do we have that kind of relationship now? That you would help me?” Elfo asked hopefully.

“I suppose,” Lucy mumbled. He seemed to be holding something back, but Elfo assumed it was just his difficulty expressing any kind of feeling, especially one that involved other people.

“I was just wondering…”

“Oh no, what do you need?” Lucy interrupted.

“My job closed down,” Elfo said.

“You mean the sleazy place where you sell your blood has been rightfully shut down?” Lucy asked.

“Yeah,” Elfo raised his eyebrows in surprise by Lucy’s sudden show of morals.

“So?” Lucy prompted.

“I have no income and I’m gonna lose the room if I can’t figure something out within a week,” Elfo said.

“Shit,” Lucy said.

“Can you help me find something?” Elfo asked when Lucy hadn’t said anything else – probably because he was phenomenally bad at conversations about anything real.

“I think Bean is more qualified to help,” He said as he turned his head towards the door, “Speak of the devil,”

“Hi boys,” Bean cheered.

“Bean, I need a job!” Elfo said immediately.

“Yeah, I’ve been looking for something for the past week,” She said.

“I mean urgently, my bloody job was shut down,” He explained, “Pardon my language,”

Bean looked at him with a thoughtful expression for a moment, ignoring Lucy snickering behind the bar at Elfo’s use of language.

“Are you talking about Sorcerio’s Laboratories?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Elfo said, “When did I tell you what it was called?”

“You didn’t, but I recently shut down a few of my dad’s most unethical businesses and Sorcerio’s was one of them,”

“What? This is your fault?” Elfo squeaked. Before his inner voice of reason got a chance to catch up, his emotions took over. Once again he would be homeless. Because of Bean. And she would do nothing to help. His voice of reason was powerless to stop the spiral.

“Fault? I was doing the right thing!” Bean interrupted his train of thought.

“Yeah, I’m really grateful for almost being out on the street again!” Elfo’s voice of reason knew how annoyingly passive aggressive he could be when he got like this, but his emotions had taken 100 percent control of his mouth, and they did not care one bit about that.

“I will fix this, Elfo, don’t worry!” Bean promised.

“It hasn’t worked that well in the past, so I think I’m gonna go ahead and keep worrying.”

Bean’s exasperated sigh forced Elfo back to reality. He shouldn’t take this out on her.

“Sorry, I know you didn’t mean for this to happen,” He mumbled. Then they awkwardly left the issue in favor of a bottle of whiskey.

Despite alcohol being a source of many problems, that night it helped solve this particular issue. Once the bar had been relieved of a significant number of bottles, the conversation flew more freely, and the discussion was picked back up.

“Just because I manage Zog’s books, it doesn’t mean I can make hiring decisions,” Bean explained.

“I’m gonna end up on the street again,” Elfo moaned, “I’m really gonna be screwed this time,”

“Chill,” Lucy placed his hand on Elfo’s and moved it again before Elfo got the chance to wonder what that was all about.

“That’s easy for you to say, you can take care of yourself,” Elfo complained.

“Exactly, and I’ve got a spare bedroom,” He said, “You can have it until you’ve got a steady income,”

“Really?” Elfo’s frown was replaced by his brightest smile in seconds. He tried in vain not to get his hopes up, but the combined relief and excitement of this new development made that impossible.

“Yeah, what the hell,” Lucy smiled. Elfo had to admit this all seemed really out of character for Lucy, but he did not dare to point it out, from fear that it would make Lucy change his mind.

“Thank you!” Elfo ran around the bar to give Lucy a big hug, completely ignoring Lucy’s adverse reaction.

He was nervous walking into the Flying Scepter the next day. There was a not insignificant risk that Lucy had changed his mind, or that the offer had been a cruel joke from the beginning.

“What’s up buddy?” Lucy asked.

“Were you serious about me moving in with you?” Elfo asked, “It’s okay if you’re not,” He quickly added.

His heart was pounding in his chest. He didn’t really understand why he was so nervous. He wasn’t that scared - he was sure he would figure something out even if Lucy had changed his mind. Then again, the rejection would hurt more than he was prepared for. Without the help from his friends he might eventually have to go back to Elfwood, away from his soulmate, whoever they were.

“Yeah, the spare room is just sitting there,” Lucy smiled, effectively pulling Elfo back to reality.

“Really?” Elfo let out a sigh of relief, “Just like that?”

“Yeah, it’s empty, so you can move in whenever you like,” Lucy said.

“Okay!” Elfo grinned, turned around on the spot and left the bar.

He ran back to the motel where he spent a few minutes running around like a headless chicken while tossing things into his bag. He checked out of the motel just in time to avoid paying for an extra night and was back at the bar in less than half an hour.

“Eh, Elfo?” Lucy laughed when Elfo walked in with his bag (which he had not been able to close properly), “I can’t leave the bar without someone to cover my shift,”

“That’s fine,” Elfo said, “But if I hadn’t checked out before-” He glanced at his watch, “…five minutes ago, I would have to pay for one more day,”

“Oh,” Lucy mumbled, “You can drop the bag back here until then,”

“Thanks, you’re a true friend,” Elfo smiled.

Lucy smiled back at him.

When Bean eventually joined them, Lucy had her tend the bar for a few minutes while he showed Elfo his new home.

He followed Lucy up the stars and into the apartment above the bar. The door opened into a living room. It was not exactly a nice place, but it seemed quite livable. The couch was old, the furniture mismatched and stuff was spread on various shelves without order. Elfo figured he could make it very nice if Lucy allowed it.

From the living room there was an opening that led to the kitchen. Elfo couldn’t help noticing the dust, revealing that the kitchen had not been used for a very long time. To be honest he would have been more surprised if it had been.

Elfo got the smaller bedroom. It looked clean, and smelled vaguely of soap, as if it had just been cleaned. There was a mattress on the floor with some folded blankets and a soft chair in the corner.

“Is this okay?” Lucy asked. His usual arrogant attitude was gone for the moment, and he looked like he was actually nervous about Elfo’s answer.

“Are you kidding? I love it!” Elfo beamed.

“Really? It’s…” Lucy trailed off.

“Thank you!” Elfo said, gently letting a hand rest on Lucy’s shoulder. He wanted to pull him into a hug, but his sober brain was better at holding back on the physical affection.

Lucy gave him a key and went down to go back to work. He left Elfo to unpack with strict instructions to not, under any circumstances, enter Lucy’s room. Elfo was fine with that. He didn’t want to impose more than necessary. Elfo was humming the tune from the scamming-the-pants-of-some-asshole-incident while he got settled in his new home. It reminded him of Lucy.


	12. Good Different (Lucy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elfo and Lucy live together now. Lucy has emotional issues. As per usual.

Living with Elfo was different. It felt weird. Their relationship had passed a point where he could no longer pretend he didn’t care, and he didn’t know how to navigate that kind of relationship. Before Elfo moved in, he had never even had anyone visit his apartment. Of course Elfo didn’t know that.

To his credit, Elfo was not making it difficult. He was an easy roommate. The main difference was that there were coffee ready when Lucy woke up, making Lucy start the day with a smile on his face, which nearly sent him into an identity crisis every morning.

And then there was the whole soulmate situation, Elfo being completely oblivious about it, and Lucy having no idea if, when, and how to tell him. Every time he thought even vaguely about something soulmate related, he couldn’t help but picture how Elfo would react once he found out. Of course Elfo, being as kind as he was, would be nice about it, but he was bound to be disappointed to find out Lucy was the one he would be stuck with forever. Elfo was so bad at hiding his feelings, and Lucy could just picture the fleeting look of utter disappointment flash across Elfo’s face when he realized the truth, before hiding it behind a pitying smile. He was _not_ ready for that.

Lucy had never really read up on soulmate theory, despite most people finding it an important field of study. Now he almost regretted it. Was it possible for soulmates to be a bad match? What if the only reason he got Elfo, was that Elfo was the only person kind enough to tolerate him? That would explain a lot, actually.

Despite all that, Lucy caught himself at an increasing frequency wondering what a soulmate relationship with Elfo would actually look like. Assuming Elfo wasn’t going to run away, he would most likely want something disgustingly sappy and traditional. Lucy disliked that much less than he wanted to. Elfo would probably also want a sexual aspect to the relationship, which Lucy was in no way prepared to handle. He wasn’t exactly opposed to the idea, but sexual relationships had never really been his kind of thing. All in all it was just overwhelming.

As usual he stuffed it all down a pit in his mind and shoved it further down with the help of booze and weed. It worked for the most part, but every time the conversation touched the subject of soulmates, it became clear that he could not ignore it forever. Elfo was still desperately searching for his soulmate and would eventually realize the truth.

“Zog is sick,” Bean announced one day when she got to the bar.

“Shit, is it bad?” Lucy asked.

“I think so,” She said.

“But,” Lucy wondered, “isn’t he still, like, young?”

“Well turns out a bad lifestyle can hurt you even if you don’t age,” Bean remarked sarcastically.

Lucy would have protested that remark, and his friends clearly expected him to, but he didn’t. Several comebacks flashed across his mind, but he didn’t want to say anything. Despite how much he had been fighting it, he had changed.

“How do you feel?” Elfo asked Bean before the silence turned awkward.

“I’m okay, I think,” She sighed, “I know it sounds harsh, but he was never really there for me anyway, you know,”

“Are you kidding? Bean, you don’t owe anything to that fool,” Lucy said.

“I know, but now I feel bad about messing with his will,” She said, “It’s gonna seem like I planned all of this,”

“But you didn’t, right” Elfo asked.

“Of course not,”

“Wouldn’t blame you if you had,” Lucy said.

“So no harm done, right,” Elfo continued, ignoring Lucy’s remark.

“Yeah, except he might die,” Bean groaned.

“Not your problem,” Lucy said.

“I guess,” She sighed.

For a little while they sat in silence not knowing how to move the conversation on from a dying father to a more comfortable topic.

“Guys,” Elfo finally broke the silence, “Do you think this is a sign or something?”

“Sign of what?” Lucy asked.

“For us to remember that everyone can die, even if they don’t age,”

“Well we knew that already,” Lucy shrugged.

“I’m just saying you should be more careful,”

“Why?” Lucy asked, wondering more than anything why this was all directed at him. Bean was usually just as bad.

“Because you don’t look so healthy and I don’t want to lose you,” Elfo said with an expression Lucy could not decipher, but made his chest feel all weird and tight.

“That’s not going to happen,” He smiled reassuringly.

“It could, that’s my point,” Elfo insisted, “If you keep your current lifestyle up, you might not live to meet your soulmate,”

Bean looked over at Lucy. Did she know? She looked like she was about to say something, so Lucy sent her the dirtiest look he could muster. If Elfo had to find out about the soulmate stuff, he wanted to at least be in control of how it happened.

“No need to worry about me,” Lucy shrugged, hoping that could be the end of it.

“Well I do,” Elfo insisted with big sincere eyes that would have made Lucy’s heart melt if he hadn’t been keeping it refrigerated. Instead it just made the thing in his chest grow stronger. He kept trying to push it down, only to find his feelings pit overflowing. The more he tried to push down, the more it ran over and the more he could _feel_. He needed to let at least some of it out, and he only had few ways of doing that, without it leading to an emotional breakdown. He chose to start with his frustration at the whole thing. Then he could avoid the embarrassing mushiness and just be angry at Elfo for making him feel this way.

“And what do you want me to do about it?” He barked at Elfo

“Be healthier,” Elfo commanded.

“That’s none of your business,” Lucy knew he was losing control of the conversation.

“Well now it is,” Elfo insisted. Damn he could be a stubborn son of a bitch.

“Who gave you the right?” Lucy sneered. The answer was of course whatever force assigned the soulmates, but he was obviously not about to bring that up. Despite his experience on the topic, arguing what he knew to be incorrect was difficult.

“You did, when you agreed to be my friend,” Elfo said.

“I never explicitly said we were friends,”

“Then when you agreed to become roommates,” Elfo continued, “I worry about my roommates,”

“Well played,” Lucy sighed. He needed to end this as soon as possible, because the concern Elfo was showing was easing his anger and upsetting the feelings pit to a dangerous degree. 

“So you will do it?” Elfo asked.

“Do what?” Lucy asked, partially to stall and partially to know exactly what he might have to agree to.

Elfo hesitated. The dork had not thought enough ahead to know what he actually wanted from Lucy. That made Lucy feel a bit better.

“Drink less?” He suggested, “Stop doing drugs?”

“Okay,” Lucy sighed, “I will stop the use of hard drugs and cut the alcohol down to standard drunkard levels,”

“Really?” Elfo grinned.

“Sure,” He sighed. He was halfway there anyway. He was happy to see that Elfo was surprised. If even Elfo didn’t expect him to reasonable, he hadn’t gone quite too soft yet. “Starting tomorrow,”

Elfo sighed. That’s about the last thing Lucy remembered from that night.

Lucy woke up on what felt like a familiar floor. He let out a sigh of relief at the fact that he wouldn’t have to find his way home from a random street corner. That was never fun.

Apart from the nausea and the mild headache, he felt fine. He slowly opened his eyes to look about. He was hoping to have some alcohol within reach, to take the edge of the hangover. He didn’t get that far though, because right beside him he saw Elfo. And he looked cross. Had Lucy done something to upset him?

“What are you doing here?” Elfo asked.

Lucy looked around for a moment. This was definitely his living room.

“I live here?” He said. His throat was horse, but he had had worse.

“No, what are you doing on the floor?”

“Rolling around in my own filth,” Lucy said - his standard answer for people who interrupted drunken sleep. He was starting to wake up a little. “Why are _you_ on the floor?”

“I tripped over you,” Elfo said.

“That’s not my fault,”

“You promised to drink less,” Elfo gave him the kicked puppy eyes, and that was bringing back some of the feelings from last night that caused this hangover in the first place.

“Yes, starting tomorrow,” Lucy said, sticking to being vindictive.

“Today,” Elfo corrected him.

“I’m pretty sure I said tomorrow,”

“You said that yesterday,”

“Well now I’m saying it again,”

Elfo sighed and got up. Lucy stretched lightly before turning over to go back to sleep.

“No,” Elfo said.

“No what?”

“I don’t let my friends roll around in their own filth,” He said, grapping Lucy by the shoulders to pull him up. Lucy didn’t resist when he was half pulled half carried to the couch where he drifted off again.

He woke up to the smell of coffee. He was covered in a blanket and on top of the blanket was a bottle of water. After a few minutes Elfo brought in the coffee along with a plate of crackers.

“You need to eat something,” He stated.

“I don’t do breakfast,”

“Today you do,”

“No,” Lucy said as he took the cup of coffee Elfo offered him. It looked strong - black as his soul, just how he liked it.

After another moment of silence, Elfo turned on the TV.

“You have two hours before you have to be at work,” Elfo said, “And if you haven’t eaten something and drunken all the water by then, I won’t let you leave,”

Where did that come from? Elfo was never assertive like this.

“You can’t keep me here,”

“If you don’t eat, you won’t have the strength to fight me.”

Lucy would never say so, but Elfo was right about that part. He wondered if Elfo was going to do this every time he found Lucy drunkenly passed out on the floor.

“I thought you agreed to take care of yourself,” Elfo interrupted Lucy’s thoughts, “What if I hadn’t been here?”

Lucy glanced to the side to meet Elfo’s puppy-eyes. He was just about to explain that this was just another Tuesday to him, or whatever day it was, but something in that look held him back. He really had gone soft, hadn’t he?

“I will,” He found himself saying, before he could consider it further, “I promise,”

He let himself get comfortable by the TV and slowly he slid to the side until he was using Elfo as a pillow again. That helped more than the coffee. Luckily Elfo didn’t say anything.


	13. The Reveal (Elfo)

After having sent Lucy of to work, Elfo stayed home to clean up after Lucy’s mess. He should mind, but he really didn’t.

It was so easy to forget that this living arrangement was temporary. Elfo wouldn’t mind staying with Lucy for longer. No, that wouldn’t be possible. Even if it wasn’t Bean, he still had a soulmate somewhere nearby, and he couldn’t very well stay with Lucy once he found them, could he? But who was it? How was it possible that he still didn’t know? And what on earth could he even do about it?

Elfo pressed the heels of his hands to his forehead in an attempt to stop the whirling thoughts. There were too many things. He needed a drink! And Lucy was always good for some distracting and vaguely upsetting conversation. Yes, that should help.

By the time Bean joined them at the bar, everything was pleasantly fussy and his thoughts sufficiently dampened.

“Something wrong, Elfo?” Bean asked after having ordered a drink.

“I’m fine,” He said.

“Come on, you can talk to me,” She insisted. He figured he might as well confide in her. If she wasn’t her soulmate, she might be able to help.

“My soulmate is clearly nearby, but I have no idea who it is,” He admitted.

“You don’t?” Bean asked. Elfo was too drunk to put a finger on it, but it didn’t sound like just another question. Maybe it was Bean after all? Elfo was too busy in his own drunken head to notice the looks exchanged between his two friends.

Elfo looked questioning at Bean.

“I’m sure he will talk to you when he is ready,” She said.

“Why do you say he?” Elfo asked. Not that he had eliminated the possibility, but Bean seemed so sure.

“No reason,” Bean blurted, sounding about as far from convincing as was possible.

“Isn’t that your stepmom?” Lucy interrupted before Elfo could ask about it.

“Oh thank goodness, a distraction,” Bean mumbled and turned around to face the woman who just walked into the bar, “Oona? What are you doing here?”

“I hear Zog is not well,” She said. Elfo had never met Oona before and was briefly surprised by the accent.

“Yeah,” Bean said.

“I want to make sure you is going to be okay,”

“Really?” Bean looked surprised at her stepmom.

“Oona worries,”

“Thanks Oona, that means a lot,” Bean smiled, “But I’ve got it under control,”

“The business, it will go to Derek, yes?”

Fearing the worst, Bean explained to Oona how she took over a lot of the managing since she left. After all Derek was Oona’s only child, and his inheritance would be a lot smaller now.

“That is good. Warms Oona’s heart to know you is doing well,”

“Thanks,” Bean smiled warmly at the woman, who she until recently rarely spoke a word of.

“If you need anything, you come to Oona,”

Oona left after an emotional hug goodbye.

“That’s strangely nice of her,” Lucy said when she had left.

“Yeah,” Bean mumbled, “Maybe I’ve been too hard on her,”

Elfo’s normally huge feelings capacity was running thin at this point, so he decided to change the subject. Before long had gotten something resembling a dance party going. With Elfo in charge of the music, and the rest either drunk or tone deaf, it didn’t sound or look good, but if anyone cared, they left without saying a word.

Elfo was woken up the next morning by a knock on the door. He had definitely been drinking a bit too much the day before. Lucy was never going to let him hear the end of it, after the whole heath spiel he had given him yesterday.

The door was slowly pushed open.

“Are you okay in here?” Lucy’s voice was soft. He had never heard this kind of voice from Lucy without the underlying mischief of when he was trying to run a scam.

Elfo grunted a reply and Lucy stepped in holding a cup of coffee. Elfo narrowed his eyes when Lucy handed him the cup. This was very unlike him.

“Why?” He asked. He mentally kicked himself for being rude and suspicious of his friend instead of thanking him, but he was pretty sure Lucy would never do something kind like this with no ulterior motive.

“Why not?” Lucy shrugged, “Made some for myself, figured you’d need a cup too when you woke up,”

Elfo wasn’t quite satisfied with the answer. Lucy was not thoughtful. Although the more he thought about it, the more he remembered little things. He was never really mean to Elfo anymore, he stood up for him against the jerk in the bar the other week, and he let him move in here. What had changed the mean and inconsiderate guy into this kind and almost nervous person bringing him coffee in the morning?

“That’s very… nice of you,”

“You take that back,” Lucy smiled.

“No, really. Thank you,” Elfo said, aware that he might be pushing it, but part of him wanted to put this version if Lucy to the test. Worst case scenario he would get his jerk of a roommate back and restore some normalcy.

“Don’t mention it,” Lucy said as he walked out of Elfo’s room.

Elfo sat in his bed and sipped the coffee. Lucy used to wrinkle his nose adorably whenever he saw Elfo put milk in his coffee, but he must have payed attention, because he had added the perfect amount of milk. His thoughts turned back to the night before, the parts of it he remembered anyway. What had Bean said about his soulmate? It was almost as if she knew who it was, but for some reason refused to tell him. Could it be..?

Staring at the coffee the pieces slowly fell together. He never thought of Lucy like… no that was a lie, Lucy was adorable and he loved spending time with him, but all his anti-soulmate talk had caused Elfo to rule him out as his actual soulmate. But he was, wasn’t he? He had to be. He really was! He felt his eyes go slightly wet and he could not wipe the grin of his face. He almost spilled his coffee when he rushed out of bed and out into the living room where Lucy was sitting with his phone.

“Sup?” Lucy put down his phone, “Feeling better?”

What was he going to say? He had to say something, that’s why he came out here, but… his smile faded.

“Something wrong?” Lucy asked.

“No… well-” Elfo whispered, but he still couldn’t find the words.

“Dude, you’re freaking me out, spill!” Lucy said.

“You… We’re…” Elfo took a deep breath, “Soulmates?”

“Yes.” Lucy’s face was unreadable.

“You knew?” Elfo asked, carefully observing Lucy’s face as cracks began to appear in his mask.

“Yeah,”

“How long?”

Lucy looked down but didn’t say anything. Elfo waited patiently, knowing that when things got real, Lucy needed time to gather his thoughts before he talked. When Lucy finally looked up, Elfo’s heart broke a little at the fear he saw in his eyes.

Elfo sat down on the couch beside Lucy and took his hand.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I… couldn’t,” Lucy whispered, “Feelings,”

“That’s fair,” Elfo smiled, knowing exactly what those few disconnected words were supposed to express.

“You’re not angry?”

“Of course not,” Elfo smiled at him and pulled Lucy into a hug.

“Elfo?” Lucy asked after a little while where neither of them had made a move to let go, “I sort of need to go to work, I have the early shift today,”

“Yeah, okay,” Elfo mumbled and let go. By the time he heard the front door shut, his mind was in overdrive. Not because he was all that confused anymore, he and Lucy fit so perfectly together, and he felt so certain of everything now. No, his mind was in overdrive because he wanted to do something nice for Lucy. He wanted to start this of in a good way and show Lucy that this was the beginning of something amazing!


	14. An Unexpected Date (Lucy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucy and Elfo has some talking to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's really fun writing Lucy's pov (as misguided as he can be). This chapter was one of those times.
> 
> TW: anxiety and a (spoiler alert) minor fire

The afternoon shift was usually pretty chill. A significant part of the customers were sad drinking and the rest weren’t drunk enough to make trouble yet. Today was no different.

But Lucy was. He was shaking, distracted, easily upset. Elfo hadn’t seemed angry, that was a good sign, right? But there had been something at first. He had looked off. Of course Lucy would accept it if Elfo chose to leave, he did not believe in soulmates dictating people’s lives, but he desperately hoped he would stay anyway. As much as he had tried to avoid it, he had become attached! (eugh)

After about four broken glasses and a bottles worth of spilled liquor, Elfo dropped by to ask Lucy to join him for dinner to talk things over. Lucy gave the most convincing smile he could muster when he assured Elfo he would be there, but on the inside he was freaking the fuck out. He tried to tell himself that Elfo smiling was a good sign, but that small voice in the back of his head told him that what this meant was that Elfo was leaving and wanted to say goodbye in a nice way, because he was far too nice to just leave like a normal person.

When his shift was finally over (he had stopped counting broken glasses after ten and the spilled liquor had now surpassed his pay for the day) he slowly made his way to the apartment. Part of him wanted to run away, to be the first to leave, but he wouldn’t- couldn’t let himself be that much of a coward.

Lucy was pulled out of his anxious spiral the moment he opened the door to a blaring fire alarm and the smell of smoke coming from the kitchen.

“Elfo!” every thought but whether or not Elfo was okay, had completely left his mind.

“In here,” Elfo said calmly.

“Get out of there! There’s a fucking fire!”

“No, I just burned the food a bit, it’s fine,”

“For the sake of all that is holy,” Lucy muttered and shouted at Elfo, “Get out of there this second, I’ll be back,”

He didn’t stay to see if Elfo listened, instead he went to a rarely used supply closet where he was pretty sure he once put a fire extinguisher. He grabbed it and ran to the kitchen where Elfo had finally come enough to his senses to take action. Unfortunately it was quite the wrong action he had taken, because now there were open flames shooting out of the oven.

“What have you been doing?” Lucy hissed while he put out the fire. Had it been a few minutes more, the fire would have caught on, but as it was, it barely got further than the oven.

“It was just smoke,” Elfo’s voice was small, “I thought if I opened the window,”

Lucy sighed. If he had just gone in there, closed the oven and gotten Elfo out of there, it would have probably been over already.

“Are you okay?” Lucy asked, deciding to leave the fire safety course for another time.

“Yeah, but I ruined your kitchen,” Elfo looked on the verge of tears and added with something akin to a sob, “I ruined dinner!”

“It’s okay,” Lucy wrapped his arms around his shaking soulmate, “We can just eat out, no harm done,”

“But I wanted to do something nice for you,”

“Don’t worry about it,” Lucy slowly let go of Elfo and took his hand to pull him out the door.

They walked in silence for a little while. Neither of them wanted to let go of the other’s hand, so they didn’t.

“Where are we going?” Elfo asked.

“Wherever you want,”

Elfo looked around and eventually his eyes settled on a cozy little restaurant down the corner of the street.

They were seated at a nice remote table and placed their order. Lucy had forgotten what they asked for the moment the waiter turned their back. For a moment they sat in silence, as neither seemed to know how to begin the conversation.

“Why did you think I would be angry?” Elfo finally asked.

Lucy took a moment to think of the best way to answer.

“You have every right to be angry, I lied to you for weeks,”

“You are allowed time to process your feelings, you don’t need to apologize for that,”

“See,” Lucy chuckled, “You are too good for me. You deserve someone much better,”

Elfo looked at him with his sad puppy eyes.

“You’re not leaving me, are you?”

“Of course not!” Lucy took a deep breath before adding, “But I wouldn’t blame you if _you_ did,”

“Never!” Elfo lifted his hand to Lucy’s cheek. For a moment they just sat there. Lucy closed his eyes and let himself feel. A small part of his subconscious was screaming about not letting himself be vulnerable, but the warmth of Elfo’s hand was enough to make him ignore it. Then he felt soft lips on his, and every doubt and insecurity was for the moment completely shut off.

“I’m sorry,” Elfo whispered, “I should have asked before doing that,”

“It’s okay,” Lucy mumbled.

“Okay as in you don’t mind this once, or okay as in you it to happen again?”

“The last one,” Lucy mumbled with a blush.

“I like that,” Elfo smiled.

As if they had been waiting behind the corner for the lull in the conversation, the waiter came out with their food at the perfect moment.

They ate in silence for a little while. It was a strange mix of comfortable and awkward. They were used to enjoying each other’s company in silence, but the change in their dynamic made Lucy a tad nervous. The whole trusting thing was new territory, and he had no idea how things were going to be from now on, neither did he know how to ask about it.

“I know next to nothing about soulmates,” He finally said.

“What do you think you need to know?” Elfo asked.

“I don’t know, just… I guess how to… be… what I’m supposed to… I don’t know,”

“Lucy, you’re only supposed to do what makes you happy, everyone is different,” Elfo took Lucy’s hand, which calmed him a little, “We can be exactly how we want to be,”

“But I don’t even know what I want,”

“Do you want to be with me?”

“Of course,”

“Then the hard part is settled,” Elfo smiled.

“I still don’t…” Lucy mumbled.

“How do you want to be with me?”

Lucy looked at their connected hands and Elfo let him think for a while.

“I like living together,” He began. Then he took a deep breath and ignored the voice that told him to leave it at that, “And I like hanging out while I work. I want to be able to kiss you and hold your hand, and I want to hear you tell me you won’t leave until I can bring myself to believe you. I want to share morning coffees and evening cuddles and…” He chuckled, “I want to not feel like some emotional dweeb for feeling that way,”

“What’s wrong with being an emotional dweeb?” Elfo laughed. His eyes were a little wet, Lucy noticed.

“Nothing, but I didn’t know that until recently, and it’s taking some time for it to sink in,” Lucy smiled.

“Lucy, that sounds absolutely perfect!”

“Really?”

“I told you it wasn’t all that difficult,” Elfo said and squeezed Lucy’s hand.

“Okay,” Lucy mumbled. It had felt hard enough to him.

“Does that mean I can call you my boyfriend now?” Elfo asked.

Lucy nodded. He had partially expected this to come up, but he still didn’t quite know what to say.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’s just… new,” Lucy admitted. He deserved a fucking award for how calm and open he was being right now!

“I know,” Elfo smiled, “I’m so proud of you,”

“What?”

“I know you don’t like to let yourself feel things,”

“What about you?”

“This is why I came here in the first place,”

“I know, but how do you feel about it?” Lucy tried to keep the insecurity hidden, but judging by Elfo’s face he did not do a very good job.

“I was afraid of how much I loved staying with you, when I didn’t know we were soulmates, because I didn’t want to go be with someone else. I always trusted the universe to have a good plan lined up for me, but I was afraid I was ruining it by building a life here with you, though I didn’t really want to go anywhere else. I was worried if you would be okay if I had to go. I was worried I wouldn’t be okay if I wasn’t with you.”

“But why?”

“Because I care about you, dumdum,” Elfo laughed, “You’re right, I am a dork and I’m too nice and I’m naïve and see too much good in people, but we balance each other out. I think that’s why the universe put us together. And I’m so glad it is you, because you are an amazing person and you deserve so much kindness and I want to give you every little bit of what kindness I have because you are an amazing person.”

“I’m not though,”

“Of course you are, you just don’t believe it yet, because no one told you,”

This was all a bit much for Lucy, and the feelings pit seemed to be a bit too upset. Before it became too much he took a chance and initiated a hug. For a full minute, which felt like half a lifetime, he clung to Elfo and let him mumble reassurances to him. Slowly he regained his composure.

“Maybe I should have eased you into it,” Elfo joked, “I forget you’re not used to affection,”

“Damn straight I ain’t,” Lucy grumbled.

“Do you want to go home?”

“Yeah,” Lucy stood up and went to the par to settle the bill.

“Are you okay?” Elfo asked as they walked out the restaurant hand in hand.

“Better than ever,” Lucy answered. And for once, he really meant it.

“Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?” Lucy asked Elfo when they got home, thinking of the morning he woke up in Elfo’s motel room.

“Really?” Elfo smiled, “You want that?”

“That’s why I’m asking,”

“Sleep as in…?” Elfo left the question unasked, but let the silence be accompanied by some very suggestive eyes.

“No, I didn’t mean…” Lucy blushed and he felt the panic coming on. He was not ready for this talk. “I don’t really… not now, I don’t know,”

“Lucy, it’s fine,” Elfo promised, “I was just asking,”

Lucy stayed quiet for a moment.

“Do you want to talk about it now?” Elfo asked.

He should say yes, he knew it would help to get it out of the way, but he was tired and nowhere near ready to breach that subject.

“Nah, let’s just get some sleep,” He said instead.

“Okay,” Elfo said and gently placed a kiss at the corner of his mouth before he went to get ready for bed. Lucy felt disgustingly mushy inside and couldn’t hold back a smile.


	15. Together (Elfo)

Elfo woke up under his sleeping boyfriend to the thought that he wanted to start every day like this. Then he realized that he would not be able to make coffee without waking Lucy, and it seemed just a little less perfect. After a while he tried carefully wriggling out, but Lucy’s arm fell around him and held him tightly. He tried again, only to be stopped by a sleepy voice ordering him to stay.

“Can I please get up?” Elfo asked after having obediently stayed a pillow for another half hour.

“No,” Lucy mumbled and hugged him tighter.

“What if I bring back coffee?”

“Fine, just don’t set anything else on fire,”

“You will never let me forget that, will you?”

“Not a chance,” Lucy smiled and placed a kiss on his cheek before allowing him to go.

When Elfo came back they drank their coffee in bed and everything felt perfect.

It was strange being back at the bar that afternoon. Being together in private was one thing, but around people they knew, it was much more real. At least Elfo felt so. People around the bar didn’t really notice any difference. In fact most of them had assumed they were already dating.

“What are we going to tell Bean?” Elfo asked. By the usual routine she should show up in about an hour.

“I don’t think it matters,” Lucy shrugged.

“Of course she matters, she’s our friend!”

“No, I mean she already know we’re soulmates, so it’s not like it matters much how or when we tell her,”

“Oh,” When he thought about it Elfo had to admit it was pretty obvious, “Good.”

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s… Everyone seems to have known before me,”

“Well, I didn’t tell them,”

“Exactly, you didn’t have to, so why didn’t I…” He trailed off. He didn’t know how to put this guilt into words. He didn’t know what he felt guilty about really, he just felt like something wasn’t right.

“I did do my best to hide it from you,” Lucy said.

“I guess,”

“And I don’t blame you for thinking Bean was the more likely possibility,”

“Yeah, I’m just… I left you to deal with all this alone and I’m really sorry about that,” Elfo said.

“I wanted to deal with it alone,”

“Would you have said anything if you didn’t?”

“I guess not,”

“That’s my point, I should have been there for you,”

“It doesn’t matter now,” Lucy leaned across the bar and gently placed a kiss on Elfo’s lips. Elfo smiled and could feel the blush creep up. It would take a bit of time getting used to being this public about their relationship, but he was looking forward to every minute of it.

Around this time every day a whitehaired woman would usually step into the bar, and today was no exception. Today it was however a non-Bean kind of whitehaired woman. More specifically the kind of non-Bean whitehaired woman who happens to be Bean’s mum.

“Hello,” Dagmar greeted them, “Can you please tell me where I can find my daughter?”

Lucy looked at her with narrowed eyes. Elfo didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t been there last time Dagmar came by, but from what his friends said (or rather drunkenly slurred), they had not parted at the best of terms. He decided to let Lucy take the lead.

“Please,” Dagmar continued, “I need to apologize to her,”

“It’s a bit late for that I dare-say,” Lucy said. His voice was cold and skeptical, showing the darker side of him.

“Then tell me where she is, so it won’t be even longer,” She said.

“We don’t know,” Elfo said.

Dagmar sighed.

“And we wouldn’t tell you if we did,” Lucy continued, “I don’t trust you,”

“I don’t blame you,” Dagmar said. Her demeanor was as hard and calculated as ever, but the little emotion visible through the cracks seemed genuinely regretful.

Elfo and Lucy shared a look while Dagmar stood silently by their side. Elfo knew what Lucy was thinking – that Dagmar was untrustworthy and Elfo was about to give in to her plea and do something nice. The look Lucy sent him seemed to be telling him not to. Elfo sighed and shrugged, hoping Lucy understood that he was leaving it up to him.

“What are you playing at?” Lucy hissed.

“What do you mean?” Dagmar asked.

“Don’t play innocent, you must have some ulterior motive for wanting to apologize,” Lucy said.

“I promise I won’t do anything to harm Bean,”

Lucy huffed and turned his attention to something behind the bar.

“I am happy to see you two are finally together,” She changed the subject, “It suits you,”

“Thank you,” Elfo said politely. He was doing a shit job at hiding his baffled expression. How had even she known? Elfo had only met her once.

Lucy muttered something intelligible under his breath.

“If you would be so kind,” Dagmar continued, “Tell Bean that I’m sorry. She knows where to find me,”

“Not even _he_ is that kind,” Lucy grunted nodding in the direction of Elfo.

“I hope you’re wrong,” She said and turned to leave, “See you around,”

“I hope not,” Lucy muttered under his breath as Dagmar walked out.

“I don’t trust her,” He added.

“I know,” Elfo said, “I don’t think I do either,” Which was true, but he had to admit that if it hadn’t been for Lucy’s influence he probably would have.

Lucy looked at him in bafflement.

“I still think we have to tell Bean though,” Elfo continued, “She has a right to know,”

“Fine,” Lucy sighed, “But we don’t leave anything out, okay?”

“Of course not,”

Late that evening they tipsily made their way to their apartment, where Elfo insisted they needed to watch a movie. Had you asked him about his reasoning later, he would not have had an answer, but at the time he felt like it was very important to end their night by cuddling to an animated movie. So that was exactly what they did. They gathered all blankets and pillows in the apartment and got themselves thoroughly entangled on the couch, where they put on a movie.

If it was the alcohol or the proximity to his adorable soulmate, Elfo couldn’t tell, but he didn’t remember as much as a second of the movie. They had only just settled into the couch when he discovered that gentle caresses and soft hugs practically made Lucy melt, causing him to spend the night looking adoringly at the puddle of soulmate draped over him.

When he looked up and noticed the movie was done, he had no idea how long he had been sitting in silence. Lucy was fast asleep. Carefully Elfo disentangled them and carried Lucy to bed. The moment Elfo got in beside him, Lucy caught him again and Elfo fell asleep feeling so much love, he could barely keep still. Only Lucy’s sleepy presence kept him from expressing his joy with body wriggles and flappy hands.

When Bean came to the bar the next day, they didn’t know where to begin, but they didn’t get the chance to decide.

“Hey guys, I can’t stay long,” She said, waving off the drink Lucy offered her.

“What in the deepest circle of hell is going on?” Lucy asked. Although he would have phrased it differently, Elfo was as surprised. Bean never turned down alcohol, and despite her job, she rarely turned down a chance to get shitfaced.

“Zog died,” She stated, “I’m okay, but I have a lot of things to take care of, so I won’t be back here for at least a couple of days.”

“We completely understand!” Elfo said and gave her a hug. Honestly it was more for his sake than Bean’s, because she didn’t seem very phased with the whole dead dad thing.

“Thank you,” She said.

“There is something we should tell you though,” Lucy interrupted before Bean got a chance to leave again, “Dagmar came by yesterday,”

“What?” Bean’s controlled expression fell, “What the fuck does she want from me?”

“She said she wanted to apologize,” Elfo said, “But…”

“We think she is probably full of shit,” Lucy continued.

“Does it never end?” She groaned, “Please at least tell me you two are doing well,”

“We are,” Lucy said as he took Elfo’s hand.

Elfo looked confused at him. He wasn’t picky about how to tell her, but this seemed a little too subtle.

“What?” Lucy asked, “She basically already knows,”

“Congrats!” Bean grinned, “About time too!”

“How has everyone just kept me in the dark?” Elfo groaned.

“We had to, or Lucy would have run off somewhere, preferring both of you to die alone rather than confront feelings,” Bean laughed. Elfo did not find it funny.

Elfo looked at Lucy, and his boyfriend’s guilty expression allowed the horror of that statement to sink in. He felt the tears come to his eyes. Why did he have to be so bloody emotional all the time anyway? All he could think to do was holding on to Lucy’s hand. As long as he held on, he wouldn’t have to consider the possibility of Lucy not being around. After the past few days Elfo could think of nothing worse than being once again without a soulmate. Without Lucy.

“I’m sorry,” Bean said quietly, “I didn’t mean for… I think I should go,”

Neither of them managed to get out a word before Bean was gone.

“You would have left?” Elfo asked.

“Probably,” Lucy admitted.

“Please don’t leave,” Elfo whimpered and felt the tears running down his cheeks.

“I won’t, I would have, but now I won’t,”

Elfo couldn’t form words anymore and could do nothing but cling to Lucy’s hand in his. He kept picturing the ‘what if’. What if Lucy had been scared off before Elfo even knew? What if Elfo was left to die alone, never having had a chance?

Lucy’s hand disappeared from his, and his crying nearly turned to panic. Then arms were wrapped tightly around him and Lucy was muttering comforting words as Elfo cried into his chest.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Lucy promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every chapter is drafted, and I hope to finish and publish them within the next few weeks.   
> Also extra many thanks to those who have been reading along from the beginning (or whenever you joined). Seeing that people read and enjoy my work is really motivating! Without you it may never have been finished.


	16. To New Beginnings (Lucy)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: first half of this chapter takes place at a funeral

Lucy never met Zog, and Elfo only did so briefly, but they still went to his funeral. Lucy had argued against it at first, but Elfo insisted they went to support Bean. No matter how she felt about her father, Elfo said, the funeral might still be difficult for her.

It was a crowded affair with a disturbingly low number of tears. Oona and Derek were both there of course. They seemed to be handling it similarly to Bean, with the exception that unlike Bean they didn’t need to fend off a swarm of businessmen trying to get chummy with the new owner of Zog’s business. To her credit, Bean was doing well. She had an excuse ready every time someone approached her. That was until she began to run out of the believable ones. The last effective excuse was also the only one that was actually real – she had to give her eulogy.

“My father was an ambitious man.” Bean began as she stepped up to speak. “And his ambition bore fruit to the very end. He has taught me more than he ever knew about leadership and independence, and I can honestly say I’m a stronger person because of him. His absence will not go unnoticed by anyone who knew him. It is a great honor to continue his legacy.”

“That’s stretching the trust a little, isn’t it?” Elfo whispered.

“She is just leaving some things out, expertly I’d say,” Lucy whispered back, “She learned from the best,”

“As impressive as it is, I wouldn’t exactly brag about that,”

“You’re right, it hurts my credibility,” Lucy smirked.

“That’s not what I meant,” Elfo argued. Lucy responded with a playful shove.

“You two are adorable,” Bean whispered as she returned from the podium.

“Oh, come on,” Lucy protested, “I have a reputation to maintain!”

Although to be honest, Lucy didn’t have many fucks left for his reputation. To be even more honest, he loved being adorable with Elfo. To hell with how sappy and embarrassing they looked.

“Your fault for being disgustingly in love,” Bean said, “Now shush, this is a funeral,”

When they reached the reception, Bean was no longer able to keep the businessmen at bay. Elfo and Lucy quickly took on that responsibility, although Elfo had to admit that was not what he expected when he said Bean might still need their support.

Before long, her social hostage takers caught on to the fact that Lucy and Elfo were trying to give her excuses to leave and they had to get creative. What followed would be most accurately described as a kind of game of either creatively getting rid of the vultures or making them regret their decision to stay.

The highlights were as follows: The poor bastards who gave away their contact information, were signed up for spam calling. That resulted in a constant ringing, as neither of them wanted to risk missing an important call, and therefore could not silence their phones. They broke the heel of Bean’s shoe and convinced one of the vultures to have his wife give Bean her shoes. They gave an energy-drink to the child of a poor bastard who didn’t think to leave the brat at home, resulting in several tipped-over tables and a very slippery floor, which in turn led to a pile of very angry people. They dressed up random volunteers in white wigs, making Bean harder to spot. Elfo and Lucy wore them too, as the reactions when someone approached them expecting to talk to Bean, was hilarious.

A few days later, Bean finally had time for a proper night out. They had a lot of catching up to do, and a few major changes to celebrate. Despite Lucy’s protests, they decided it was inappropriate to celebrate Beans new job, considering the circumstances. It didn’t change much though. Celebrating just meant drinking, and they were doing that anyway.

“Now will you _finally_ tell me the story?” Bean asked. She had been growing increasingly curious over the past few days not knowing how Elfo and Lucy had finally managed to get together.

“Well,” Lucy grinned mischievously and Elfo hid his reddening face in his hands as the story of his cooking disaster was recounted.

“No offence, Elfo, but how on earth did you manage to fuck up that badly?” Bean laughed when Lucy was done. He had conveniently left out the part where Lucy freaked out. Fortunately Elfo was too distracted to point it out.

“I forgot,” Elfo mumbled, “That I can’t cook,”

“You can’t?” Lucy asked. He had been toying with the thought of home cooked meals, but it seemed they were equally useless in that regard.

“No,” Elfo seemed surprised he would even ask.

“Then why… cook?” Lucy asked.

“I wanted it to be special,” Elfo said as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

For a moment neither of them said anything. Lucy felt that strange fluttering feeling in his chest and he didn’t trust himself to say anything. He felt about to burst from emotion, but other than that, it was nice.

“You definitely managed to make it memorable, though,” Bean interrupted their silent romantic moment.

“Yeah,” Lucy said softly, “That’s good enough for me,”

“Ew, get a room,” Bean muttered.

“Anything new on your mum?” Lucy changed the subject. With some luck it was a sore enough subject that it would teach her not to interrupt them in the future.

“I wrote her a letter,” Bean said.

“Why on earth would you do that?” Lucy asked.

“To tell her to leave me alone,”

“Yeah, how did that work out?” Lucy asked dryly.

“She replied,”

“Figures,”

“She seems sincere though,” Bean continued.

“Please don’t tell me you trust her,”

“I don’t know… I won’t give her anything, I’m not stupid, but…” She looked down, “It would be nice to have a mother again,”

“I never even knew my mum,” Elfo mumbled.

“See,” Bean said, “No matter how little I trust her, she’s still my mum, I want her in my life,”

“I guess,” Lucy began hesitantly, “If I was to open that particularly disgusting can of worms, I would probably feel the same.”

“You have our support, Bean,” Elfo said, “Whatever you want to do,”

“That means a lot,” She smiled.

Soon after the subject matter was changed again, and Bean went on to explain how one of the guys from the funeral had called her office, to request she send a different spokesperson next time they need to do business, as he no longer wanted to “deal with Teabeanie or her strange drunken friends”. They all found that hilarious, and probably to the guy’s regret, very convenient.

Life was good. It was filled with laughter and cuddles and evenings at the bar. Without really meaning to, Elfo started helping Lucy while at work, to a degree where eventually he might as well get hired. So he was. He even played some live music now and then, which Lucy did not want to admit was quite amazing.

Lucy discovered that he didn’t actually like being alone like he always thought. He liked having a free space where he could feel unjudged but being at home with Elfo was just like that. So he was nearly never completely alone. A relationship had seemed like a scary thing, but Elfo just made it feel easy and safe.

On a lazy Sunday morning they were sitting in the newly renovated living room. Elfo had spent his first paycheck on some books to fill out the empty shelves and a nice blanket to cover the hideous sofa, and the living room was now very homey. The air was filled with the smell of coffee and breakfast.

Lucy put down his phone for a minute. Just to take in the moment. He felt… happy? He looked at Elfo who was reading. Staring at Elfo reading, was quickly becoming a new hobby of his, as you could more or less read the book on Elfo’s very expressive face. Sometimes he even commented out loud, which Lucy found absolutely adorable.

Sitting there staring at his soulmate, Lucy felt that warm, tight feeling in his chest again, and finally realized what it was. Should have been quite obvious, really, but if there is anything Lucy was good at, it was denial of feelings. It was love.

He loved Elfo.

And he was okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimers:   
> \- I do consider canon Dagmar irredeemable, but in this universe it’s a bit different. Though still a bit iffy. Zog on the other hand can stick it. Apparently I have disproportionately strong feelings about shitty parents.
> 
> \- Lucy’s emotional progress is not really realistic. This is a silly fanfic, I don't feel like making it about therapy.


	17. Coming Together (Elfo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter, other than the epilogue. Thank you all so much for reading!

Elfo was a naturally happy person, therefore he was surprised to notice how much happier he was, when he was with Lucy. That made him worry about losing this newfound happiness. Despite how much he had grown over the last couple of months, Lucy was still not emotionally nor physically healthy, so the little anxiety Elfo had, had plenty to feed on.

Instead of dwelling on it, he decided to try and address the possible issues one at a time. So one night after the last customer had left the bar, he broached the subject.

“Lucy?” He asked, while they were cleaning up in comfortable silence.

“Hmm?”

“That time I thought… I mean the sleeping together thing, like…” shit he should have practiced this before, he did not know how have this talk, “You said we could talk about it later,”

“I did.” Lucy stated. Elfo picked up on Lucy’s apprehension to talk, but was too relieved not to have to explain further, that it didn’t bother him.

“Why did it freak you out?” Elfo walked over to give Lucy his full attention.

“I…” Lucy sighed and continued reluctantly with his eyes fixed on the floor: “Don’t really… I wanted to fix it before, but… I never really felt the urge to be with someone in that way… and with you I know I should feel… I’m not sure what I feel,”

“There’s no rush.” Elfo lifted a hand to Lucy’s cheek and looked into his eyes, “If you want to wait, we can do that, if you never want to, that’s fine too, if you change your mind a million times, that’s also fine. I just don’t want you to be afraid to talk about it,”

“Really? Just like that?”

“Yeah,”

“Seems too easy,” Lucy mumbled.

“It doesn’t have to be difficult,” Elfo chuckled.

Simultaneously they pulled each other closer into a kiss.

Elfo had to use every ounce of his self-control to keep in the ‘I love you’ that was threatening to jump out of his mouth. He knew Lucy probably wasn’t ready to hear that. Instead he tried to pour all that love into the kiss, and maybe he was imagining it, but he felt like it was returned. *

One day when Bean was yet again complaining about her mother trying to get back in touch, they were interrupted by exactly her.

“Bean!”

“Can you please stop ambushing me here?” Bean snapped, “This is my escape for fuck sake, you can’t ju- Oona?” She fell silent when she noticed the unexpected companion.

“I understand you have some questions,” Dagmar began in an almost rehearsed tone, “I suppose I would be confused as well. I shall get straight to the point: Oona and I are soulmates, as fate would have it, and she helped me realize that I got my priorities all wrong. We both would love nothing more than to be a part of your life, in whichever way you would permit.”

There was a pause where the two women, the two mother figures who each abandoned Bean in their own way, waited for her to react. She didn’t. She seemed stunned into silence.

“I should have been a better stepmother. Now I get new chance,” Oona said and added, “if you want.”

“You want to be my moms?” Bean’s voice was uncharacteristically small and fragile as she looked at the two women with eyes that can only be described with the comparison to a newly adopted puppy. She wasn’t crying, but Elfo knew that was only out of pride.

“We would be honored,” Dagmar said.

“Really?” Lucy interrupted, skepticism clearly showing.

“Be nice,” Elfo gently reproved.

“Fine,” Lucy mumbled and turned to Dagmar, “But I’ll be keeping an eye on you!”

“I would expect nothing less,” Dagmar smiled.

“You have good friends,” Oona said, “One needs good friends.”

“Thank you!” Bean smiled. To those who knew her well, it was obvious that she was even happier than she led on.

What followed was an unusual night. Dagmar and Oona stayed at the bar nearly until closing, drinking with the three of them. Even Lucy had to admit they seemed sincere. Dagmar and Lucy had a nice bonding moment by running a complicated scam on an unsuspecting customer. Then Dagmar got a little too drunk to lie convincingly and that too helped a little with the trust. Oona on the other hand, handled the booze extremely well and eventually broke out the drugs. By the end of the night the three women stumbled out of the bar together, and Elfo and Lucy barely worried if Bean was safe.

(She was of course very safe.)

With Bean reconnected with her moms, everything seemed to be falling into place for all of them. Elfo decided he was done waiting, he was going to tell Lucy that he loved him. If he had a hard time hearing it, they would have to deal with that, but Elfo was an affectionate person, and he needed to be able to tell his soulmate that he loved him.

They were sitting together on the couch. Well Elfo was sitting, Lucy was laying in his lap. Elfo figured this was as good a time as any.

“Lucy?” It felt like time froze. Why did this have to be so hard? He could physically feel the anxiety. Wait, Lucy would probably feel even more, no wonder it had all been difficult for him. Not that Elfo wasn’t aware of that, but… okay he was spiraling. He had to say something. Come on Elfo, he thought to himself, you have to be brave, it’s not like he’s gonna say it first. He took a deep breath. “I love you.”

Lucy smiled back and answered slowly, as if each word was new (it was).

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * if you are the type of person who wants to imagine some smutty stuff, this is where it would go. i'm not gonna write it, and i'm not even going to say it's there. let the story be as you prefer.


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I’m sticking to the fanfic cliché of having the epilogue at a wedding. I hate myself a little but shut up I can do what I want!

In a basement under an antique store was an invite only bar. Usually it was the place for business deals to be made, that was not meant to see the light of day. Lucy had frequented this establishment some years back, but despite fitting right in, didn’t maintain the habit. Dagmar had of course been a regular since decades before Bean was born.

On this particular day the place was closed for a private event. Well to most people it made little difference, as nearly everyone who frequented this place was invited. Oona and Dagmar might be better, kinder people to those they cared about, but that did not make them any less Crime Queens of Dreamland, so of course they chose this place for their wedding.

Attending the wedding was of course all the worst criminals of Dreamland. Thieves, smugglers, highwaypeople, conmen, to name a few. And then there were the daughter of the brides with her two best friends.

Bean looked as sharp as one can only look when they have the money to pay for professional makeovers and tailored clothes, and she managed to look even gayer than the brides. Elfo and Lucy walked behind her hand in hand. Elfo’s beard had finally filled in and was well combed for the occasion. Lucy, despite having aged, looked younger and healthier than ever. They were both dressed in suits, Lucy in a nice black suit, Elfo in a hideous multicolored one, which looked strangely good on him. At least if you asked Lucy.

“Lucy, long time no see, and you’ve aged too,” a sleezy guy in a hideous denim suit greeted them, “wow I never pegged you as one to go legit the moment a soulmate pops into the picture, but good on ya,”

Lucy smiled politely in response, just as him and Elfo had practiced at home, and led them to their places. As annoying as it was, it didn’t bother him much, even when he got pulled into multiple similar conversations throughout the night. He no longer cared what these hoodlums thought of him.

Oona had her hair done in a fancy style, proudly displaying a grey streak. She looked more confident and happy than anyone would have believed possible a few years back.

By her side Dagmar was getting ready to deliver a speech.

“Thank you all for coming. Oona, the light of my life, was the reason I returned to Dreamland. Our daughter, Bean, is the reason we chose to stay. Cheers to these two women who mean the world to me. Now let’s drink, we’ve stocked up enough to sate the thirst of every drunkard in Dreamland – after all, most of them are here tonight.”

After the toast people started chatting. Lucy, despite having been one of them, felt as much an outsider as Elfo did.

“So,” One of their tablemates initiated a conversation, “How did you two meet?” Lucy and Elfo shared a hesitating look. For years they had been trying to find a short way to tell their story, but nothing really seemed to do it. (Some time later Bean told them to just say they were introduced by a common friend, and they both felt incredibly foolish to not have thought of that themselves.)

“Oh never mind about that,” Bean interrupted, “The fire on their first date is a much better story!”

“Ugh, come on!” Elfo whined.

“I told you, you would never hear the end of it,” Lucy teased.

“Not one incident since, and still-”

“That’s because I’m always there to stop you,” Lucy interrupted.

“Let me cook alone tomorrow, and I’ll show you,”

“I prefer cooking together though,”

“Just say you don’t trust me,”

“Lies! But I also love you and want to spend time with you”

“I love you too,”

Their little argument was put to rest with a small kiss, and neither of them noticed the people around them looking, smiling or barfing at their cuteness.

“May I have this dance?” Elfo asked and Lucy faked reluctance as he was pulled towards the dancefloor.

They moved together slowly along the dancefloor to an old tune about love and they were both so very happy.

_'Cause you are the lover I have waited for  
The mate that fate had me created for  
And every time your lips meet mine  
  
Darling, down and down I go, round and round I go  
In a spin, loving the spin that I'm in  
Under that old black magic called love_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is That Old Black Magic - a jazz standard
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Even though it has taken a while, I have loved working on it. And I have loved it being read even more.   
> My tumblr for disenchantment is @photographerofdreamland if you're interested.
> 
> If you have a few minutes to spare, I would really appreciate a bit of feedback.

**Author's Note:**

> I have very little idea what I'm doing, so constructive criticism is appreaciated.


End file.
